First off, let me say that the coronavirus and health concerns associated with it are very real and need to be taken very, very seriously. We should all exercise the necessary precautions, if not for ourselves, for others around us who might have larger health risks. Do what the doctors and health officials tell you! Lives are, literally, at stake.
I, personally, will be joining the millions of others who will be acting responsibly and following the guidelines presented by qualified medical professionals. I'll monitor my own health and stay home if I feel sick, handle sneezing and coughing appropriately, avoid crowds if I can, not eat after 8 p.m. (waiting, that's actually something else ...) and, most importantly, wash my hands.
I will execute all of this with good spirits and enthusiasm, secure in the knowledge that somehow I will mess it up, because I don't always execute things very well.
Consider it a "me" problem and definitely not a World Health Organization one. I mean, they'll try. They already are. I just know that when it comes to multi-step processes not directly related to my work or finding shows on my streaming service, I'm going to blow up the details.
Sort of like me assembling Ikea furniture. It's going to get done, it's just that some pieces are going to be in backwards and chances are there will be nails instead of screws.
The primary example of this will be, I'm sure, washing my hands.
First, I do. Religiously, mostly because my mother insisted we wash our hands after the bathroom, before we ate, after we ate, after we touched anything, before we touched anything deemed to be "clean" and generally at random, frequent moments during the day.
I realize now that "Did you wash your hands?" was code for "I love you and want you to be safe," but it is worth noting that my mother was a germaphobe well before it was fashionable. Hard to fathom, but in that sense at least, a women who didn't believe in online banking because, frankly, she didn't believe in banks was ahead of her time.
So while I've always been a proponent of hand-washing, I have to admit I may not have been as faithful about washing them for 20 seconds, as we are currently being directed to do. And since I am a man "of a certain age," who drinks a lot of coffee, I have numerous and regular need to exercise that hand-washing process.
And, since I use public restrooms with doors on them, I am compelled to use hand sanitizer after I exit them. And because hand sanitizer tends to leave my hands dry and cracked, which the WHO says is also a bad thing, I have to use hand lotion.
So, using a restroom requires the same amount of time and general activity as refinishing the dining room table. Sorry I missed the start of that meeting, but I was only on my second coat.
Doctors are attempting to make the whole "20-second" deal easier by telling us it's about the amount of time it takes to hum "Happy Birthday to You."
First, let me reassure you that no one, not even Paul McCartney or Michael Jackson's estate or the Illuminati or whoever is rumored to have the copyright to "Happy Birthday to You," actually owns it. The song is in the public domain. So, using it as a device while washing your hands would not require royalty payments. You're off the hook there.
Second, I've been to a lot of children's birthday parties, so I both don't want to hum it anymore and can get through it in a lot less than 20 seconds. I mean, ice cream melts, you know.
So, yes, I'm the guy trying to figure out just how far you can get into "Born to Run" in 20 seconds. And if maybe I should be using "Jungle Land" or even "Born in the USA." Or just go right to the chorus.
Look, I'm going to do what the doctors tell me, generally and specifically in this case. Because they are professionals and they know what they're talking about. And I'm going to do the best I can to comply as thoroughly as possible because my health and people's lives depend on it.
And if all that gets tedious, I can fall back on this: Several times a day, it's in the national interest for me to sing Springsteen!
"'Cause tramps like us, baby, we were born to ruuunnnnnn ... !"
Commentary on 03/13/2020