As the year churns to a close, with some optimism at long last sprinkling in, I say to 2020, "Good riddance! And the horse you rode in on!"
Yet, it being late December, I am put in mind of winter holiday programs. Once called Christmas pageants. The stuff that comic-strip TV shows are made of. In particular, three examples stand out, one fictional, two non-.
In John Irving's "A Prayer for Owen Meany," an annual play was directed by Reverend and Mrs. Wiggin. It featured little kids "disguised as turtledoves," wearing costumes "so absurd that no one knew what these children were supposed to be." They looked like "spectacular life-forms from another galaxy, as if ... the Holy Nativity had been attended by beings from faraway planets."
A la the lyrics "No crying he makes" (see "Away in a Manger"), Mrs. Wiggin insisted that Baby Jesus be muted. Completely. She had "dozens of babies backstage [and] the Christ Child was whisked from the manger at the first unholy croak or gurgle" and replaced with a substitute.
Three decades ago, at Little Rock's Second Presbyterian Church, a couple in their early 30s played Joseph and Mary alongside their 4-month-old, who'd been cast as Baby Jesus, and their 3-year-old, who was dressed as an angel.
Around mid-program, a dozen teenaged angels entered the stage, single file, ballet-dancing to a Reformed Presbyterian carol. Mary and Joseph's attention was momentarily focused on keeping the Christ Child quiet.
Then they looked up in wonder. Who was the tiny angel bringing up the rear of the dance troupe, skipping and whirling as the spirit moved her? Why, Jesus' sister, of course!
And then there is the story told by Dr. William Muehl, formerly of Yale Divinity School, about how he and his wife were at a nursery-school Christmas play featuring three Virgin Marys and two Josephs. Because that was how many costumes the school had acquired over the years.
The Holy Quintet were attended by 20 angels in diaphanous gowns with large wings of gauze. Later this group would be joined by 20 shepherds--boys in burlap sacks, "clutching an assortment of saplings which purported to be crooks." The boys' stage entrance led to an "unfortunate discovery."
To be sure of "a pleasantly balanced array," the director had made chalk circles for the angels to stand on and crosses for the shepherds. This had been done when the kids were in their shorts, skirts, and jeans. Now, however, the angels' flowing robes covered not only their circles, but the nearby crosses as well. From Muehl's account:
"The shepherds began looking for their places. Angels were treated as they had never been treated before. And at last, one little boy, who had suffered through as much of this nonsense as he could handle, turned to where the teacher in charge was quietly going mad, and announced angrily: 'These damn angels are fouling up the whole show! They've hidden all the crosses.'
"Needless to say, his mother and I were deeply embarrassed."
Best wishes for a joyous and prosperous 2021, everybody!
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Vic Fleming is a district judge and law professor in Little Rock.