If I were given the opportunity to be face to face with Osama bin Laden, the first thing I would do is listen. I would try to understand why he had acted in that cruel way. I would try to understand all of the suffering that had led him to violence. It might not be easy to listen in that way, so I would have to remain calm and lucid.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh, October 2001
In an interview shortly after the 9-11 attacks, Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh was asked what he would say to Osama bin Laden. Hahn is a man of peace, a witness and survivor of years of war and death in his home country. I'm still trying to internalize his remarkable answer: Listening. Understanding. Remaining calm and lucid. Compassion.
Hanh said he would need friends with him who were also strong listeners. They would all need to take time to understand. Then, later, when they were calm and lucid, "We would respond point by point to what had been said. We would respond gently but firmly in such a way to help them discover their own misunderstandings so that they will stop violent acts from their own will."
I've sometimes wondered what I would say if I were face to face with Donald Trump. He pushes my buttons. I do recognize him as a beloved child of God, but I also see the destructive consequences of his behavior -- anxiety, division and weaponized public discourse. I mourn the corrosive influence of his rhetoric. Mr. Trump triggers the reptilian part of our brain that stimulates fear and reactivity. Our nation seems to be in a state of emotional regression.
How do we remain calm and lucid?
When we address moral issues or divisive subjects, we tend to do so on an emotional level. When ruled by our emotions, we tend to reduce complex problems to right/wrong categories. We tend to take simplistic and rigid positions. Opposing views become polarized, either/or absolutes.
At a calmer level of thought, we are better able to see the complexity of issues involved in important decisions. We can consider different positions. We can weigh positive and negative values of various opinions. It is a challenge, but we can hold in our brain two contradictory viewpoints simultaneously in order to understand more deeply.
When I find myself feeling reactive to a contradictory viewpoint, I try to ask what value is motivating the other person. It is so easy to focus on their attack, on what they are against. I need to ask them, "What are you for? What do you affirm?"
Nineteenth century Theologian F. D. Maurice wrote, "A man is most often right in what he affirms and wrong in what he denies." If an opponent and I can become clearer about the values we intend to affirm, we may find room to agree on some values that we have in common. We may be able to transcend fault and blame, and then have a clearer space to discover more options for solving a problem that seems to divide us.
When I think about Donald Trump, I recognize that he grew up under a powerful father whom he couldn't please. His father was not nurturing, nor was he honest and virtuous. He was a mean dog in a dog-eat-dog world. Yet Donald survived. Donald's brother, Fred Jr., died young from alcoholism. Donald lived. Many of the dysfunctions that are so obvious in Donald Trump are probably part of the coping mechanisms that helped him survive an oppressive early life.
When I pray for Donald Trump, I pray that he may know the peace of God that passes all understanding. May he feel infinite love, rest in that love, and experience such peace that he may change, from his own will. I find I must pray briefly for Donald, for if I dwell too long, I tend to start thinking critical thoughts, and that helps nothing. A brief, sincere intention for peace may be helpful.
Thich Naht Hanh closed his interview with these words: "To develop the drop of compassion in our own heart is the only effective spiritual response to hatred and violence. That drop of compassion will be the result of calming our anger, looking deeply at the roots of our violence, deep listening, and understanding the suffering of everyone involved in the acts of hatred and violence."
Commentary on 03/26/2019