RIGHT TIME RIGHT PLACE

RIGHT TIME RIGHT PLACE: They were friends first — then they got serious

Zara Abbasi and John Wilkerson were married in a traditional Pakistani wedding ceremony on Aug. 4, 2005, followed by a secular ceremony the next day. They had a class together at UCA, but Zara had to drop out after a serious car wreck. They officially met after she recovered from her injuries and returned to her old job as a server at Ruby Tuesday in Little Rock.
(Special to the Democrat-Gazette)
Zara Abbasi and John Wilkerson were married in a traditional Pakistani wedding ceremony on Aug. 4, 2005, followed by a secular ceremony the next day. They had a class together at UCA, but Zara had to drop out after a serious car wreck. They officially met after she recovered from her injuries and returned to her old job as a server at Ruby Tuesday in Little Rock. (Special to the Democrat-Gazette)


Zara Abbasi and John Wilkerson knew each other before they met.

"When I said, 'You're Zara,' I don't know how I knew it," says John of the time he first talked to her at Ruby Tuesday, where they were both working as servers.

Zara had seen John in her class at the University of Central Arkansas in Conway during the 1997-1998 school year, and he had seen her around campus.

They were both political science majors.

"I don't remember ever talking to her," he says. "I don't know how I knew who she was, but, honestly, everyone just did."

At the beginning of her sophomore year at UCA, Zara was in a car wreck.

"I had to learn to walk again," she says. "It was pretty bad, and so I took a break."

She left her job at Ruby Tuesday and dropped out of UCA. When she was better, she enrolled at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock and was rehired at the restaurant.

"We put the pieces together, and we learned that when I was in the car accident they lost a server at Ruby Tuesday, and that's when John was given that position," Zara says. "So he had filled my position."

She liked talking with him at work.

"He was the quiet, studious, really hard-working person," she says. "I was a straight-A student as well, but I was more social and hanging out with friends. We both just had a strong work ethic in common, and I admired how responsible he was."

John felt the same about her.

"I liked that she was smart, beautiful and hard-working," he says.

Sometimes, on weekends, they rolled silverware together, which gave them time to chat.

"He would blush if I started talking to him, and once when it was Razorback game day, I didn't have a Razorback shirt and he was giving me a really hard time," she says. "He was like, 'I'm going to take you shopping.'"

They left the restaurant, and John bought a Razorback T-shirt for Zara from one of the kiosks in Park Plaza.

It was Zara who asked John for a date.

"I liked him, and not just as a friend," she says. "I was like, 'Wow, this is a wonderful person.' I had never asked anyone out in my life, ever. But I liked him, and not just as a friend."

They made plans to meet at Ruby Tuesday.

"He stood me up," she says. "We've talked for years about it. He apologized, and he didn't come across as someone who was like a player. He came across as somebody really aloof, like he was just humbled. He said, 'I didn't know you were really asking me.'"

Zara sat in the restaurant for hours waiting for him.

"I didn't grow up with a lot of admirers. I guess I didn't think it was that big of a deal or maybe it wasn't like a real date," he says. "When I think about her being there waiting on me, it still breaks my heart."

After they talked through this, Zara told John how she felt.

"I told him I liked him, and he gave me the very chiché 'It's not you, it's me,'" she says. "He said, 'I'm not looking for a girlfriend.' I was like, 'OK, well, I guess we're just going to be friends.'"

Before she could get far, John's walls crumbled. He had feelings for her as well, he confessed.

They dated for more than six years.

"We didn't want to rush into anything. We were just adamant about finishing school and making sure that we were established for ourselves, not just in a relationship," Zara says.

John was in law school in April 2004, and he and Zara were going to the Barristers' Ball. He suggested they stroll by the Arkansas River while they were out. A friend of Zara's called while they were walking, to talk with her about a concert they wanted to attend.

"He's very flexible, but he was motioning for me to wrap it up," Zara says.

They walked on in silence, until John dropped to his knee.

"He was just pouring out his heart, and then he pulled out a ring," Zara says.

Zara is Pakistani, and they had a traditional Pakistani wedding on Aug. 4, 2005, at the Hilton on University Avenue in Little Rock.

The next day, they had a secular ceremony at a private venue in downtown Little Rock, officiated by then-Pulaski County Clerk Pat O'Brien.

They honeymooned in Seattle, and John showed Zara the coffee shops and bookstores and the hiking trails he had discovered when he spent a previous summer there.

John finished law school after they married, and then it was Zara's turn.

The day she got her law school acceptance, she also discovered she was pregnant with their first child, Razik, now 15. Their daughters, Amila and Merah, are 13 and 6.

Their family -- and their friendship -- are the most important things to both of them.

"I rely on her so much, not just as my wife but as my best friend, of all time," John says. "No doubt."

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The first time I saw my future spouse:

She says: "Other people in the social scene were taking things a little too lightly and not showing up for things or working hard enough, but he was very responsible and I think that really caught my attention. Also, he was very cute."

He says: "I saw her walking across campus. and she was just stunning. She had a white skirt on."

On our wedding day:

She says: "It was a blur. I was really tired. It was hot. But we were being lifted up, like we were hoisted up to enjoy the day. I felt safe, like everything is done, everything is taken care of."

He says: "I still remember sitting up there with the imam and her walking in, seeing her and just crying. That's what I remember. It was a good day."

My advice for a long happy marriage:

She says: "Listen, without having your own opinions first. You married them for a reason, you like them. And the more physical [advice] would be separate comforters. That's a game changer, because sleep is really important to being a happy couple."

He says: "I think just embrace the fact that that's your best friend."

 



  photo  John and Zara Abbasi Wilkerson became friends before they started dating. John’s memories of their early days together were triggered when he heard Coldplay’s song, “Trouble,” recently. “We used to watch Insomniac Music Theater on VH1,” he says. They saw Coldplay in concert in Oklahoma City a few years after they met. (Special to the Democrat-Gazette)
 
 


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