Dear Abby: I’m the mother of an 8-year-old with autism. A few months ago, I was also diagnosed with autism. While I viewed this news for the most part in a rather positive light, I also have some mixed feelings.
This diagnosis explains everything about the how I’ve behaved my entire life, but I feel betrayed by my parents for allowing so many doctors to tell me I had disorders and illnesses I never had (per the person who diagnosed me with autism) and for letting me be pumped full of so many medications. I feel my parents caused me emotional and physical harm (because of all those meds).
I can’t help but be furious with them for allowing something that may have caused me irreparable damage. How can I deal with this? — On The Spectrum In Texas
Dear On The Spectrum: Your parents believed the (many) “experts” they consulted. The doctors misdiagnosed you. That is regrettable, but now you know what you are dealing with, it’s time to concentrate on your future instead of the past. If your current physician can’t help you with this, ask to be referred to someone who can help you to dissipate your anger. It would be far more therapeutic for you than blaming your parents.
Dear Abby: I have a friend who enjoys getting her family together with mine. We used to take turns doing dinners at each other’s houses. However, they are extremely picky eaters. I’m usually cooking three meals for them.
The more I’ve gotten to know them, the more I realize our values and opinions on certain major issues are very, very different. I no longer enjoy their company and don’t feel comfortable with my children hearing some of the conversations. I feel miserable leading up to every get-together, and so does my husband. However, she’s clingy! I have canceled the last three times we were supposed to get together, and she doesn’t get the message. How can I unfriend her without crushing her? — So Over It In The South
Dear So Over It: Because this woman is unable to intuit that the atmosphere has changed, you will have to explain it to her. Start by telling her that preparing three separate meals to cater to her family’s tastes has become too much. If necessary, follow it up with the fact that you no longer want your children exposed to the dinner conversation. Those are valid reasons, and as long as you don’t mention that the thought of seeing her and her husband makes you and your husband miserable, she shouldn’t be “crushed.” Do not, however, expect her to take the news easily.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren,also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit
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