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Reese's Tree is hardly eye candy

by Jennifer Christman | December 6, 2015 at 2:12 a.m.
Should Reese’s be branching out with its Christmas Trees?

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Thy chocolate is engaging.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Thy peanut butter's amazing.

As with the Pumpkin in the fall

And the spring Egg; I love them all.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Since last Yule, I've been waiting.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

You've been our favorite tannenbaum.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

But now Twitter can't keep calm.

Only out when Christmas nears,

Thy blob-ish shape makes food snobs sneer.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Social media is raging.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

They're calling you a Christmas #fail.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Worse than booze-free wassail!

Terrorism, crime, the economy

And candy's got peeps so cranky?

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

On their nerves, you're grating.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Thy flavor is so magical.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Thy look is, er, scatological.

Worse than Starbucks' red cup, they say

A big affront to Christmas Day!

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

The criticism's blazing.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Victim of hashtags and hating.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

@ReesesPBCups they're hazing.

Not since Charlie Brown's sad tree

has a fir received such mockery.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

What a war they're waging!

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

It was to be thy season.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Accused of acts of "tree-son!"

Who has time to whine and tweet?

When there are Reese's treats to eat?

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

What a fuss they're making!

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Perhaps you need a florist.

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

Still, I could eat a forest.

They say you don't look like a tree.

I say, just give 'em all to me!

Oh Reese's Tree, oh Reese's Tree!

I'm forever praising.

I'm hoping "yule" email:

[email protected]

Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at popular culture. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com, from 5:30-9 a.m. Monday through Friday.

Style on 12/06/2015

Print Headline: Reese's Tree is hardly eye candy

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