MONEY MANNERS

LITTLE ROCK — DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

We hate to see our son’s exgirlfriend take advantage of him. A couple of years ago, “Ryan” and “Nicole” bought a small powerboat together for $10,000. Nicole put up the money, and our son agreed to pay her back $400 a month until he’d paid her $5,000. Recently, though, they split up. Ryan decided to buy the boat from Nicole, and she set the price at the original $10,000, minus what he’d already paid her. We know we shouldn’t interfere, but isn’t $10,000 unfair? They would never get $10,000 if they tried to sell the boat. To make matters worse, our son has lost track of howmuch he has already paid Nicole.

• Shirley T.

DEAR SHIRLEY T .:

Be gratefulthat they went halvsies on a small boat and not a yacht.

Seriously, since your son is buying what is now a usedboat, Nicole seems to be awfully aggressive in charging him the price of a new one. On the other hand, she did give - and is still giving - Ryan an interest-free loan. Plus, if he doesn’t know how much he has paid her, he must have missed quite a few payments.

More importantly, since both your son and his ex apparently are in agreement on the buyout price, you’re right to stay out of this. Just remind Ryan that his bank probably can help him determine how many payments he has made. Then hope he doesn’t make a five-figure purchase with a new squeeze until he is out of hock to Nicole.

DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

One of my kids is giving me heartburn. A while back, I gave the family sterling-silver flatware to “Angela.” Since I want to divide everything I have equally among my three children, I put language in my will that takes into account the value of the silver - about $6,000 - in determining Angela’s share of my estate. The problem is, Angela wants me to take out that language. She insists the silver was a gift and has nothing to do with my bequests. I don’t want to fight with my daughter, but I’ve always told the kids I’d treat them equally, and I never told Angela the silver was a gift to her, separate from and on top of her one-third share of my estate. What do you think?

• Jim

DEAR JIM:

That’ll teach you to make an early bequest.

But if it’s any consolation, Angela is not the first child in history to convince herself that a generous gift from her parents shouldn’t count against her share of their estate. What matters, though, isn’t how Angela views your gift; it’s how you do. So let the language she objects to stand. And explain to your daughter that writing a will is not a team sport.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends. (Free Press, 2008). E-mail them at

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