Pop culture and fabricated holidays give me glee. Forced group activities -- stadium waves, wedding line dances -- make me giddy.
Whether it's a big sporting event (see you Saturday at the Razorbacks game!), a Netflix series (finished Ozark Season 2!), or the latest blockbuster movie (saw A Star Is Born, went Gaga over it!), I want to experience what everyone else is experiencing.
So last Wednesday, I was totally in my element.
First, it was Mean Girls Day!
For anyone who missed the burn book, Oct. 3 is the day when movie fans celebrate the genius 2004 Lindsay Lohan/Tina Fey/Rachel McAdams comedy. Why Oct. 3? Because -- in my best Regina George -- shut up! That's the day in the movie when, Aaron Samuels, whose "hair looks sexy pushed back," asks Lohan's character Cady Heron what day it is.
And even better, Mean Girls Day fell on a Wednesday this year! So fans like me, who donned a fuchsia dress, could follow the classic Mean Girls line: "On Wednesdays, we wear pink!"
Not only was it Mean Girls Day, it was Presidential Alert Day! It was when everybody's cellphones would chime at the same time for the first ever test of the national Presidential Alert system.
I babbled to colleagues about it. I checked and double-checked when ... precisely 2:18 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time, so that was 1:18 p.m. here. I kept peeking at the time. I gave everyone a 30-minute warning.
At the strike of 1:18 p.m. .... Squeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal! That was every electronic device in the newsroom getting the alert.
Every device except mine.
iPhone? Nothing.
Apple Watch? Nothing.
Their phones said: "Presidential Alert THIS IS A TEST of the National Wireless Emergency Alert System. No action is needed."
Well, this "TEST" was a big fail for me. And a big bummer. After all, I was the nerd who cared about Presidential Alert Day -- the same nerd also wearing a pink dress for Mean Girls Day! It dawned on me that I was the Mean Girls equivalent of a math club member or "Mathlete." Movie line: "You can't join Mathletes! It's social suicide!"
Co-workers got much enjoyment out of my being excluded. They laughed. They joked, "Ooh, you're going to be deported!"
Such mean girls ... and boys.
Surely I wasn't the only person left out. After all, it was sent to 225 million people. Surely there had to be a few others.
So I asked Facebook friends: "Am I the only American who didn't get the Presidential Alert? ... Also, will someone please volunteer to call me in case of national emergencies? Thanks."
It turns out, I wasn't alone. Sarah, Linda, Lynda, Kody, Chris, Felicia, Cindy, BJ's friend, Rebecca, Fran's husband, Bill, Katie, another Cindy, Samantha, Darrell, Bridget, Donna, Johanna, another Jennifer, Kerry, Kimberly and Esther didn't get it either.
What did we do to get blacklisted in this way? Some shared their theories.
Suggested one, "Under notifications on your iPhone you can turn government alerts on or off. Yours is probably off. This goes for FEMA and Amber alerts." Nope, my alerts were on. Besides, even people whose alerts were off and owned old out-of-service phones reported getting messages.
"Are you liberal? Lol. Jk" asked one friend. My response, "Politics aside ... everyone else in the so-called 'liberal media' newsroom got it!"
Asked another: "Are you secretly Canadian?" I answered, "No, but I am suddenly singing 'All By Myself'" with a Celine Dion GIF.
Then it occurred to me, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. Perhaps I was off the grid! Like one Twitter user asked, "Am I under the radar!? Can I get away with anything!?"
And then at 1:44 p.m. it happened: a mini squeal. Both my phone and watch finally received the alert -- about a half-hour after everyone else. Apparently the test was broadcast for 30 minutes, and that's why some of us received alerts later. Which would not be helpful in an actual emergency, as a friend pointed out: "30 min late and you're donzies."
But at least I got it. Some people never did. FEMA invites those folks to email [email protected] with a whole bunch of info (details at fema.gov/emergency-alert-test; scroll down, click on Frequently Asked Questions and scroll all the way down to No. 29).
It actually ended up being perfect that Presidential Alert Day coincided with Mean Girls Day.
For those of us who didn't receive the alert in the timely manner, it was like being told by Gretchen Wieners, "You can't sit with us!"
It would be "so fetch" if you'd email:
What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood.
Style on 10/09/2018