Some folks just have a way of sayin' things. You know 'em, those folks who can choose words or turns of phrases that make their point just a little more colorful -- and quotable -- than most.
In a rare moment of sharing details about her past, my Grammy once described how her husband demanded she heavily starch every article of clothing he owned. Recalling the moment years later when their marriage ended, she said matter-of-factly, "And that was that. He left, starched stiff and up and out!"
So in honor of those with a knack for phrasing things, I thought I'd start the New Year off with a light-hearted look at some of the cleverest things, in my opinion, ever said.
"Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried." -- Mae West
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." -- George Burns
"Familiarity breeds children." -- Mark Twain
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something." -- Plato
"Plato was a bore." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
"The town where I grew up has a zip code of E-I-E-I-O." -- Martin Mull
"If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." -- Albert Einstein
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." -- Redd Foxx
"Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. "-- Dave Barry
"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me." -- Steve Martin
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." -- Flip Wilson
"How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to swear? Get another sweet 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'" -- Unknown
"When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty." -- Norm Crosby
"I'm not confused. I'm just well-mixed." -- Robert Frost
"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius." -- Sid Caesar
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years, she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." -- Calvin Trillion
"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- e.e.cummings
"If I had more time, I would write a shorter letter." -- Blaise Pascal
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." -- Douglas Adams
And because I can hear that whooshing sound, I'll end this column now. Because sometimes, being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It's great for the first two weeks, then it becomes actual work.
You can quote me and Lewis Grizzard on that.
NAN Our Town on 01/07/2016