Dear Otus,
One of the most fun events at the Arkansas State Fair was the pig races. But I read in the paper that they have been banned this year. What in heaven's name for?
-- Will Kommen,
Newport
Dear Will,
It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you, but not so much trying to explain the giant can o' worms that has been opened up by the pigs, the pooches, the political correctness and the controversy that began with that hidebound county clerk in Kentucky.
First of all, the Arkansas State Fair will be held as usual at the Fairgrounds in Little Rock beginning Friday and running through Oct. 18.
There will be all the usual attractions, including the Exotic Animal Petting Zoo, the Wall of Death Cycle Show, has-been singers (Eddie Money, Styx, Grand Funk Railroad), rides and all the fun livestock stuff.
One of the crowd favorites in years past was the thrice-daily pig races in Animal Alley below Hiland Hill just off the midway.
The highly respected piglets from Show Me Swine Racers were, to many, the stars of the fair, racing around a sawdust track for the winner's reward of a cookie.
It was at last year's state fair that then-gubernatorial candidate Asa Hutchinson got involved after one of his five grandchildren wanted to adopt one of the losing piglets.
Unfortunately, a careless carny let it slip that once the pigs were past racing age, they were shipped to Geisert Farms in Washington, Mo., where they were "humanely" raised, then butchered for pork chops, ham, bacon and chitlins.
The child was inconsolably distraught and candidate Hutchinson vowed that when he was elected governor he would ban pig races within the state's borders.
And, verily, it came to pass.
Replacing the pigs were the world-famous dachshund racers of Wienerschnitzel Kennels in Versailles, Ky. This traveling band of canine champions hits the racing circuit starting in May and ends up in September and October at state and county fairs in the South.
Wienerschnitzel, for those out of the wiener dog racing loop, produced Zeus, the red piebald long hair generally recognized as the greatest racing dachshund of all time. Zeus was the Muenster, Texas, GermanFest champ from 2006-2009, and won the prestigious Wiener Dog 2009 Nationals in Fort Wayne, Ind., as well as the 2010 Running of the Wienies in Germantown, Tenn.
Zeus retired to stud after that, but his legacy lives on in his 87 racing offspring, including current Wienerschnitzel champs Clifford and Dee Dee, sired (respectively) by Zeus' offspring Hermes (No. 42) and Hephaistos (No. 54).
This is where the tale gets complicated.
The Wienerschnitzel Racers were running in Branson two weeks ago when Polly Glott, publicity director for the kennels, approached Carroll County Judge Sammy Barr, who was in Branson to catch the new stage show "'70s Music Celebration Starring Barry Williams." (Barr is a huge Brady Bunch fan.)
Glott's idea was to stage a doggy wedding for Clifford and Dee Dee since the Arkansas State Fair would be their last competition before returning to the kennel to breed the next generation of champions.
Barr thought it was a fantastic publicity stunt and instructed Glott to have the $60 fee in hand and the dogs ready to go Monday morning at the Carroll County Western Jurisdiction Courthouse in Eureka Springs (not the Eastern Jurisdiction Courthouse in Berryville).
Carroll is one of 10 Arkansas counties with two county seats. The rivalry and petty jealousy between the two then reared its ugly head.
The Eastern Jurisdiction clerk agreed with Barr, but the intransigent Western Jurisdiction clerk refused to issue her required half of the marriage license -- just like Kim Davis, the Kentucky county clerk who flouted the law rather than violate her conscience.
Smelling an intra-county blood feud tinged with biblical overtones, the national media descended on Eureka Springs.
As it turned out, there was no wrath-of-God aspect to denying the license. The problem was that (surprisingly) Arkansas law bans first-cousin marriage (one of only 26 states to do so) and Clifford and Dee Dee are first cousins.
Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that Wienerschnitzel Kennels is embarrassed and miffed and if their dogs can't get a marriage license by Thursday, there will be no Wiener Races at the fair this year.
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