So, here was my plan: I was going to volunteer for the Bentonville Film Festival and drive Robert De Niro around.
I mean, I was eminently qualified. I can drive, and De Niro probably needed someone to drive him around, and well, OK, that doesn't actually seem like much of a plan when you write it out. But it made perfect sense and was the reason I volunteered to work at the festival.
All right, that and overwhelming sense of pride in the area and a desire to see the event launch successfully and continue to grow and all that. Yada, yada, yada. Whatever.
Mostly it was to drive De Niro around.
I mean, I figured we'd hit it off, since we've got so much in common. We're both middle-aged men. We both have kids. We both liked "The Godfather II" (though not as much as "The Godfather," which was the greatest movie ever made.). And while those things may not put us in a particularly small subset, it was the basis for what I was sure to be a long friendship.
I figured I'd pick him up at the airport. He'd sit in the front, of course, because, well, De Niro doesn't big-dog it in the back. We'd cruise around. I'd show him some sites. We'd chat a little then he'd ask me, "So, G (we'd be friends, so he'd call me that. Even though no one else does, and, frankly it sounds a little annoying. But hey, De Niro.), what's a good place in this town to get some soft-serve ice cream?"
And the next thing you know, we'd be out in front of an ice cream shop. I'd go with strawberry, but Bobby, (I'd call him Bobby by now), well, he'd have the mint chocolate chip. He'd probably have the low-fat, because you never know when he might have to be in a remake of "Raging Bull" or set someone straight with a ball bat.
Every now and then, one of us would look over at the other and say, "You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here!" And then we'd laugh like idiots.
Then, because we'd become such good friends, the next time my wife and I were in New York, we'd get together with Bobby and take a carriage ride around Central Park, and he could point out where they shot "Maid in Manhattan" (OK, he wasn't in that movie, but I bet he liked it), and "Die Hard With a Vengeance" and that really bad movie with Chris Rock where everyone's significant other was having a baby (again, not in it, not in it). And then we'd all go get one of those big pretzels from a street vendor.
He'd explain the nature of what it's like to be an actor and how he immerses himself in a role and why in the world he made all those other "Fokkers" movies after the first one (something about "big pretzels not growing on trees".).
Yeah, those would have been good times.
However, it just wasn't happening. For some reason, the powers that be at the BFF (which, at least in my case doesn't stand for "Bobby's Friend Forever," thank you very much), decided I could best serve by manning one of the shuttle stops.
So, I didn't get to meet Bobby because, apparently, De Niro doesn't ride the shuttle. Or if he does, he just happened to get off a stop earlier than mine. You never know.
But I did get to meet lots of other interesting folks, including a director/producer who had flown in from Washington, D.C., to show her movie and had spent the afternoon at Bentonville's world-class art museum.
And I got to meet a wife-husband directing team who had spent the morning with their four kids riding our bike trails before they went to show the movie they'd just made.
And I met one of the BBC's entertainment reporters who had flown in from London that day to interview Bobby (yeah, sure, let the BBC big-shot reporter talk to him! I bet she doesn't do the "you talkin' to me?" thing), and, between jet-lag induced yawns, explained the whole British election to the Brazilian and the native of India who were also working the shuttle stop with me. Though she failed to explain why they spell "Labour" with a "u" and drive on the wrong side of the road.
And I did this in an area that, 20-plus years ago when we moved here, didn't feature many restaurants that didn't serve your food in a Styrofoam container and now allows you the option of recommending New Southwest, Thai or Mediterranean (among other choices) to visitors.
And certainly didn't have a world-class museum, a cool bike trail or a film festival that has people flying in from all over the globe to show or see or report on movies.
So, I guess it's OK I didn't get to drive De Niro around. Besides, the lady from BBC said he's incredibly private and doesn't really like to talk. And, as I understand it, he doesn't like sports, so, not that much in common.
However, she did say George Clooney was very gracious and told great stories. So, maybe next year.
You know, George seems like more of a frozen yogurt guy ...
Commentary on 05/15/2015