Looking For Original

I nearly had a frustrated fit in the grocery store today. There I stood, scanning a wide selection of applesauce containers looking for one thing - original. Sometimes I pack applesauce in my kids’ lunches, but they only like the plain, no-frills, honest-to-goodness applesauce. It should be the easiest one to find, right? Because it’s the original.

But stores aren’t interested in originals anymore. They want to stock their shelves with the latest new-fangled variations. There were plenty of packages of peach-mango flavored applesauce, blueberry pomegranate, summer strawberry and cinnamon applesauce. But my kids and I don’t want our applesauce to taste like peach mangoes or blueberry pomegranates.

We want it to taste like - well - apples! Is that so wrong?

Perhaps I’m just an old-fashioned purist who doesn’t like the co-mingling of fruit in her applesauce.

And if that was the only area of the store that was afiicted with this problem, I’d just shut up about it.

But it’s not. Manufacturers have decided that “more is more,” and they’re bound and determined to disprove that old saying about “There’s nothing new under the sun.”

Take toothpaste, for example. The toothpaste aisle has exploded into a disco party of flavors and add-ons. There are toothpastes with mouthwash, whitening action, “vivid stain protection,” enamel renewal, tartar control, gum protection, plaque removal, and there may even be a tube out there that can do your taxes while you brush. (That one is probably still in research and development, but I bet it’s coming.)

In one of the Sunday circulars this week, I saw an ad for toothpaste with different personalities.

One of the tubes said “Be Adventurous,” which you can do by brushing with the new Mint Chocolate Trek flavor. Not feeling adventurous? No problem.

There’s a different tube for those who want to “Be Dynamic,” which is how you feel after brushing with the Lime Spearmint Zest flavor. There’s a toothpaste for whatever mood you wake up in.

I asked my dentist which toothpaste I should use, and she said I should stick with the plain old original toothpaste - the kind my grandmother used to buy.

My dentist advised against whitening or extra bells and whistles, as those can sometimes irritate the gums.

Speaking of irritating, have you seen the chaos over on the cracker aisle?

Today I glided by dozens of varieties including dill and olive oil, rye with caraway seeds, fire roasted tomato, garden herb, savory red bean, honey mustard, chili cheese, Baby Swiss, sweet cinnamon, zesty salsa, spicy buffalo, chipotle cheddar, tomato and sweet basil, hot and spicy, Monterey Jack and even “brown rice with sweet potato” crackers.

Did your eyes cross a little while reading that list?

Because I’m pretty sure I got carpal tunnel syndrome just from typing it. Know what kind of crackers my discriminating 7-year-old likes best? Saltines - the original.

I think we can all agree that, as a nation, we have real problems in desperate need of creative solutions - things like poverty, immigration, debt reduction, education reform and crime prevention. We need the best and brightest people thinking about how to tackle these tough issues and make things better, right?

GWEN ROCKWOOD IS A SYNDICATED FREELANCE COLUMNIST WHOSE BOOK IS AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.