YOU KNOW what many people think when they see somebody walking around-or at least shuffling around-with his pants pert’ near falling off his backside? That kid didn’t have no raisin’.
It’s not a fair conclusion to jump to. No doubt many a mom or dad would be horrified to stop at a traffic light and see a son scuffling across the street with his boxers a-showin’. Or moseying through the food court at the mall with his belt down to his thighs. Or ambling at the ball game. Or trudging here. Or plodding there. From what we’ve witnessed, it’s hard to actually “walk” when your pants are that low.
Then again, it wasn’t too long ago that folks were saying tight sweaters on girls proved they weren’t raised right, either. And ducktails on boys reflected poorly on their parents. And, oh Lord, that rock and roll noise. Have you ever seen anything so uncivilized as that thing they call The Twist?
Over the years, folks from Baltimore to Shreveport have been toying with the idea of banning what the kids call sagging. That’s the term they use for wearing pants so low you can see the beginnings of underpants. And it’s an entirely understandable desire to avoid the sight, thank you. For goodness sake, what would your mother say?
BY NOW, sagging pants have become something akin to a visual plague. As if there were a belt shortage in the world. But here’s our nomination for the real reason behind all this nonsense: The kids have figured out a way to get on their elders’ nerves. It’s a long tradition.
Just as B follows A and 1 comes before 2, the kids have pulled some crabbiness out of their elders once again, as they’d pull a perch out of a pond with just a bit of bait. Sagging upsets you? Watch how low the pants can go, old timer.
Now little Pine Bluff, Arkansas, has become the latest town to consider banning the unsightly practice of showing off unmentionables.
Back in 2007, an alderman in Pine Bluff proposed such a ban, but the ACLU got involved. (We’re not kidding.) Besides, the ban had little support among other aldermen at the time. But now comes Mr. Charles Boyd, who is sponsoring a new ordinance that would make boys pull up their darned pants. His ordinance would fine somebody $25 on first offense for showing his underpants, $50 for a second, $75 fora third, etc.
But the kid-and he’s surely a kid, in more ways than just age-could always avoid the fine if he came “into immediate compliance” after a verbal warning from a police officer. In other words, pull your belt up to your waist, where it belongs, and save yourself $25 or more.
As long as we’re at it, why not ban tattoos, pink hair, and those nose piercings? And eyebrow piercings. And bellybutton piercings. (Ouch.)
Also, slap a fine on the next kid that walks down the block wearing one of those dog collars, not to mention offensive T-shirts. And ticket anybody wearing brown shoes with a black belt. Would there be enough police and enough ticket books?
After the last City Council meeting, at which Alderman Boyd’s proposal got its first reading, one Pine Bluff resident told the papers she was glad it had come up. Because she “is always telling my grandkids to pull their pants up. Now, maybe if a police officer is doing it, they will listen.”
(Pause.)
Are you kidding or what?
LOOK, the last thing that’s going to make a kid pull up his pants is one more authority figure telling him to do so. Oh, sure, he might hike up his belt until the cop drives off, but as soon as the patrol car is around the corner, those pants are coming back down again.
Besides, this is still a free country. And you have the right to look as ridiculous as you want-within reason. And kids are gonna be kids. There’s no outlawing generational tension. Or parents and grandparents who over-react to it.
Instead of reading too much into this latest fad, grownups need to cool it, and remember that, this, too, shall pass. Today’s rebel has a way of becoming tomorrow’s conformist, even prude. Soon enough, these saggers will be consumed by other things-a career, a family, a nice house in a nice neighborhood . . . all the things that once sounded so uncool, but become obsessions for adults.
What’ll make these kids hike up their britches? Growing up. And maybe a boss who makes it clear that low-ridin’ pants are a hindrance to their advancement at work-and to getting their next raise. Then those belts will get a lot tighter. Let’s pick our fights with the younger generation, shall we?
Also, let’s save the law books for laws that are needed.
Editorial, Pages 16 on 05/24/2013