MONEY MANNERS

DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD: My parents are establishing a marital trust that calls for my brother “Richard” to inherit both of the homes they own. That’s roughly twothirds of their estate, with the remaining one-third going to my sister and me. “Richard” and his family live rent-free in one of these houses, and my parents live in the other, a mountain home that Richard says he loves. Mom and Dad want to make the three of us co-trustees, and they’ve told us they expect us to have an “unwritten agreement” that my brother will pay my sister and me the difference between his much larger share of their estate and ours. This “agreement” seems crazy to me. Just for starters, unless Richard sold the house he lives in, he wouldn’t have the money to make my sister and me whole. Should I talk to my parents about my concerns?

  • Jo Ann

DEAR JO ANN: Has Richard also let your parents know how much he loves their new Mercedes?

Seriously, your mother and father are dead wrong to imagine that an “unwritten agreement” will correct their failure to protect your and your sister’s interests, especially given yourbrother’s affinity for staking claims to their most valuable assets. After all, even if Richard did have enough money to remain in one home while dividing the estate evenly with you and your sister, why should the two of you have to rely on him to do the right thing? He wouldn’t be the first guy tostiff his siblings, and the trust provides him with a legal document that says he’s allowed to. So to answer your question, yes, by all means have a sit-down with your parents. They need to face up to the fact that the trust they’re preparing doesn’t come close to reflecting their wishes to divide their estate equally among their children.

DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD: I always thought it was inappropriate to tip the owner of a hair salon, because most owners charge more for their services than the other hairdressers do, plus they set the price and keep the entire amount. I’ve noticed, though, that “Claude,” who cuts my hair and who owns the salon, never refuses a tip. What’s going on here?

  • Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: What’s going on is that Claude likes those tips. So, like a lot of other salon owners, he’s convinced himself that not accepting gratuities is old-fashioned and might even be insulting to the folks who offer them. He’s wrong on both counts. But don’t share that thought with him unless you’re ready to give your business to another salon.

DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD: My father recently moved into an apartment in a residence for elderly people. Part of the deal is that residents get two meals a day in the facility’s dining room. The thing is, some residents bring plastic bags or containers to dinner and take food back with them to their apartments. One woman, for example, routinely empties the contents of the bread basket into a bag, then asks the waiter to refill the basket. Another always orders a second entree to take back to his place. There are rules against doing this, but they’re rarely enforced. And the residents who ignore them say that since they’re entitled to as much food as they want at every meal, what’s the difference if they choose to defer eating some of it until later? Could they be right?

  • L.J.

DEAR L.J.: Are these people also taking rolls of toilet paper from the lobby restroom back to their apartments?

Leaving the dining room with a doggie bag of leftovers is fine. Stocking one’s personal larder with food from the facility’s kitchen is not. Those carry-outs are ultimately being paid for by all residents, in the form of higher rent. As the saying goes, there is no such thing as a free lunch.

are the authors of Isn’t ItTheir Turn to Pick Up the Check?

Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends. (Free Press, 2008). E-mail them at

[email protected]

Family, Pages 35 on 03/20/2013

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