I got married last fall and my husband moved into my house with me and my cat. Fiona is 8 years old and it was just the two of us until I got married. Since my husband moved in, she acts like she hates him. When he comes into a room, she leaves or goes to the other side of the room. She used to sleep on the bed with me, but she doesn’t do that anymore. My husband likes cats and it hurts his feelings that Fiona avoids him. What can we do to get her to accept him?
Poor Fiona. Look at the situation from her viewpoint - her cozy life and home have been turned upside down by the invasion of this new person and his belongings. No doubt the daily routine has changed a bit, too. And, yikes, there’s another person in “her” bed.
All that can make a cat anxious and confused. Cats are very much creatures of habit and routine and prefer that things in their lives remain constant. Any change in a household can be very stressful for them, but they can adapt.
With time, patience and some special attention, Fiona can adjust to living with your husband as well as you. In situations such as yours, feline behaviorist Pam Johnson-Bennett says in Think Like a Cat, it’s important to give your cat a chance to adjust at her own pace while keeping in mind how the changes in her world appear to her.
For example, since she has been living with you her entire life, she’s used to the sounds of having a woman in the house - lighter footsteps, quicker movements and a higher-pitched voice.She has to get used to your husband’s heavier footsteps and deeper voice - and it’s hard to say how much time that will take.
Fortunately, there are simple steps you can take to help Fiona bond with your husband. Among those is letting him take over feeding, which means he needs to put her food in her bowl so that it has his scent on it. He can also be the person who gives her treats. The object is to make him the source of all things wonderful.
Your husband also should have regular playtime with Fiona. Play needs to be with interactive toys, such as a feather on a stick. Start the sessions yourself with your husband sitting next to you, then after Fiona is engaged, hand the teaser toy to your husband and let him take over.
“Through play sessions, both your cat and your spouse will begin to relax around each other,” Johnson-Bennett says.
One of mistakes people make in situations such as yours is trying too hard. If your husband tries to pick up Fiona or pet her when she’s not receptive, she’ll keep avoiding him.
Cat behaviorist Marilyn Krieger (thecatcoach.com) says when a cat is adjusting to a new person or situation, she needs to feel secure. So it’s important never to grab her or touch her until she’s ready. The key is to get Fiona to approach your husband.
To that end, have your husband sit in the same room with Fiona and read a book aloud so that she becomes accustomed to the sound of his voice. If Fiona approaches him, he could extend a finger.When she’s feeling secure, she may touch her nose to his finger. Your husband shouldn’t react, but let her set the limits. Over time, she may rub her face against him, then he may try gently rubbing his finger on the side of her face.
Hang in there. And assure your husband that Fiona doesn’t hate him, but is simply going through a period of adjustment. Patience.
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Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, P.O. Box 2221, Little Rock, Ark. 72203 or e-mail [email protected]
Family, Pages 38 on 03/13/2013