The new show I’m watching is oh so filthy.
And wild.
And raw (make that “in the raw”).
It’s Naked and Afraid (go directly to discovery.com/tv-shows/ naked-and-afraid; I will not be responsible if you do a search for “naked” on the Internet).
Think Survivor with actual survival and without a stitch.
Admittedly I’m a little late in telling you about the show, which debuted in June on the Discovery Channel, but I only recently discovered where the cars- and Carcharhinidae-obsessed (Shark Week starts Aug. 4) Discovery is in the channel lineup.
Still, you can watch episodes with titles like “Terror in Tanzania” and “Punishment in Panama” online or catch around-the-clock repeats in between Discovery’s other diamonds like Amish Mafia and Airplane Repo. New Naked and Afraid episodes, including tonight’s “Beware the Bayou,” air at 9 p.m. Sundays.
In each episode, two survivalist strangers - a man and a woman, both in birthday suits (without even shoes, unless, as one guy did, they create makeshift sandals from tree bark. Next reality gig: Project Runway!) are challenged to survive together in the wilderness - perhaps in a jungle or on a deserted island - for 21 days. Experts rank the participants before and after the challenge on their PSR, or Primitive Survival Rating.
Each participant can take only one personal item each, opting for basic objects like a machete (to use for building a shelter or opening coconuts) or a vessel (in which to boil water for drinking, lest they die of dehydration in three days) and not, say, deodorant soap.
Which is why Naked and Afraid, although based on disrobed bodies, is easily cable’s least sexy show. While rears are on full display, more private regions are blurred. Even if they weren’t, you would be too distracted by the grimy feet, bloody fingers (darn machete!) and full-body array of bug bites to appreciate them. Besides, casting is way more interested in partnering people with potential animosity than attraction. Like clever adventure guide Kellie (who fished using her thighs, etc.), who says, prior to meeting super macho military and survival expert EJ, she hopes her partner is not expecting her to be “a good little housewife.”
At least a whopper of a prize awaits those who endure the elements and complete the feat.
And that is, according to Naked and Afraid’s site, “their pride and sense of accomplishment.”
Yep, that’s it, I’m Afraid to say. No wad of cash. Just some starvation-induced weight loss and, I’m guessing, maybe Lyme disease and melanoma (no one has taken insect repellent or sunscreen as their personal item).
Think you have what it takes to be Naked and Afraid? Take the multiple PSR quiz on Discovery’s website to find out.
My responses (like to Question No. 4: “Do you spend time outdoors?” My answer: “You watch nature shows on TV and drive with the top down - that counts, right?”) earned me a mere two out of 10.
In other words, the closest I should come to Naked and Afraid is swimsuit shopping.
Clothed and cowardly, email: [email protected] Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture and a weekly segment on Little Rock’s KURB-FM, B98.5 at 7:40 a.m.Thursdays. Listen live and hear podcasts at b98.com.
Style, Pages 50 on 07/28/2013