DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I’ve discovered that my cousin is a thief. I just saw a photo on a mutual friend’s Facebook page in which my cousin is wearing an expensive necklace that belongs to my mother. About a year ago, the necklace disappeared, and Mom was convinced it’d been stolen. In the past few years, though, Mom has begun hiding things, not remembering doing so, and then thinking they’ve been stolen. So I thought the necklace would turn up. But it turns out Mom was right. Now what do I do? My cousin visits my mother from time to time, and while she’s a loving niece, she has never been the most honest person in the world.
- Horrified
DEAR HORRIFIED: As they get older, some people forget not only what they’ve hidden but also what they’ve given away. So you should at least consider the possibility that your mother gave your cousin the necklace.
Not buying it? OK, you know your cousin. But since you probably don’t want to call the police on her, here’s what to do: Stop by her home and, in telling your cousin you saw the photo, happily say: “So Mom lent you her necklace. What a relief. She was convinced someone had stolen it. If you’ll give it to me, I’ll return it right away. Mom will be thrilled to get it back.”
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My neighbor “Ted” has an old, but expensive, pressure washer, which I borrowed last weekend to clean my deck. Unfortunately, I broke one of the controls while I was using it. I’ve tried to have the washer repaired, but both places I’ve taken it to say that one of the parts needed is no longer available. In other words, the washer’s now useless. So, what’s my obligation here? One place told me that an old pressure washer like Ted’s, were it running, would be worth $50 or $60, but a new one costs around $400.
- T.G.
DEAR T.G.: An old pressure washer like Ted’s might sell for $50 or $60, but surely Ted’s washer was worth considerably more than that to him. It was, after all, not someone’s castoff. It was one he’d bought new, maintained and didn’t need to replace - not, that is, until you broke it.
So if you’re thinking of handing your neighbor 60 bucks, forget it. He lent you a working pressure washer with which he was satisfied, and that’s what you’re obligated to make sure he ends up with.
If you haven’t already, try scouring the Internet for the needed part. Maybe you’ll get lucky. But if you can’t find a way to repair the pressure washer you borrowed and broke, all you can do is get out your credit card and ask Ted when he’d like to pick out a replacement.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My grandmother died last month and left her house to her three children - that is, to my mother and my two aunts. But my mother isn’t alive; she died a few years ago. Since I’m her only child, shouldn’t I get a third of that house? My aunts say no.
- Jenna
DEAR JENNA: Find out who is the executor of your grandmother’s estate, and ask that person to show you a copy of your grandmother’s will. It will say precisely what is to be done with your mother’s share of the house if, as happened, your mother predeceased your grandmother.
In the meantime, we can tell you that you are not automatically entitled to anything your grandmother left to your mother. Nor, by the way, do your aunts get to decide what happens to your mother’s share. How that share is distributed is up to your grandmother, and only your grandmother. That’s why she wrote a will.
Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?
Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). Email them at
Family, Pages 35 on 07/24/2013