SILOAM SPRINGS — Communicating with a military spouse who is overseas is easier than it was during the Vietnam War, but it is still hard for wives such as Rachel Lee, who is experiencing her first deployment.
Lee beamed with pride Saturday as she spoke of her husband, Staff Sgt. Ryan Lee, who’s in Afghanistan with the 45th Infantry Brigade Combat Team with the Oklahoma Army National Guard.
The couple were honored in Siloam Springs at the 2011Armed Forces Benefit Ride, sponsored by Operation Renewal, a Northwest Arkansasorganization that helps area military families.
Lee led 30 motorcycles outof the parking lot of the Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 1674 in a dune buggy before returning to the post.
Ron Dilbert, founder of Operation Renewal, said the training organization is dedicated to helping military families stay together.
The group helps families during the different phases of deployment by providing individual and group coaching at seminars and retreats, Dilbert said.
Coaches work to help stem the tide of divorce, suicide and homelessness among veterans, he said.
Operation Renewal is a year old and seeking nonprofit status, said Dilbert,who holds various training certifications.
Saturday’s motorcycle ride was to raise money to pay for the services provided by Operation Renewal, Dilbert said.
Dilbert and other coaches help teach military families what to expect before, during and after deployment. Improving communication is main focus. Many misunderstandings arise because a family member isn’t actively listening to what the other person has to say, he said.
Lee of Grove, Okla., said she had to learn to tell her husband exactly what she wants him to know when he calls from overseas. Lee and her husband got married during his third military deployment.
“You never know if you’re going to get three minutes or thirty minutes,” she said.
Retired Air Force Lt. Col. Dave Bowman, who volunteers with Operation Renewal, said family communication during the Vietnam War was difficult.
Bowman said phone calls home were limited to four minutes and made over the Military Affiliate Radio System, which essentially is a short-wave radio. He said anoperator listened and flipped a switch to allow the other person to talk, so each sentence had to end with “over,” which spawned the saying “I love you, over.”
Technology has made it easier for soldiers to call home, but that doesn’t change the fact that one spouse is away, Bowman said.
He said his deployments to Vietnam were kept to four or five months, which meant he was deployed numerous times.
Bowman said it never failed: “When the landing gear clicked up, something broke at home,” he said.
Dilbert said learning to be a single parent can be difficult, and many spouses struggle with pre-deployment anxiety.
A new set of challenges arrives when the soldier returns, Dilbert said, because the remaining spouse has had to develop a new system to get through the day. For instance, an argument may start when a solider tries to do something around the house the way he did it 15 months earlier.
Many of Saturday’s motorcycle riders wore patches displaying their military status as combat veterans. Some patches told of an unspoken bond, “If you didn’t go, you wouldn’t understand.”
John Dobbs, a member of the Combat Veterans Motorcycle Association, said he returned from Vietnam with two Purple Hearts anda Bronze Star, but no family.
Dobbs of Hackett said having his wife leave him ultimately turned out for the best - he remarried and reconnected with his two children.
“But it hurt at the time,” he said.
Brian and Crystal King of Rogers rode in supportof friends they have who are deployed overseas.
Lee said that being married to a soldier at war has indeed changed her view of the military.
“[War] is not something happening overseas,” she said. “Military families are local.” To contact this reporter:
Northwest Arkansas, Pages 17 on 10/16/2011