Stories by Gary Smith

GARY SMITH: Give us this day Good morning (an assumption on my part as to when you read the paper; if not, just go with it) and welcome to National Chinese Almond Cookie Day. OK, Chinese almond cookies aren't your cup of tea (th... April 9, 2021

GARY SMITH: Getting needled A very nice young lady shoved a piece of sharp metal into my arm the other day. And I didn't even call the police. In fact, I had asked her to do so and was pretty happy she did. And no, I'm not one ... April 2, 2021

GARY SMITH: Come on, feel the noise I've seen the future, and, frankly, I'm not so sure about it. Maybe it will grow on me. All right, so I'm not talking crystal balls or tarot cards here. Mostly, the Lovely Mrs. Smith and I got out of... March 19, 2021

GARY SMITH: Wonderful world of distraction I got reintroduced to some old friends the other day. Well, OK, maybe not "friends." Acquaintances. Sometimes "frenemies." The Lovely Mrs. Smith and I were in the car, chauffeuring the youngest of th... March 12, 2021

GARY SMITH: Brushing up on breathing I've come face to face with a certain reality recently. Despite years and years of practice and exercise, I've discovered I don't actually know how to breath. OK, a bit of qualification here. Yes, I ... March 5, 2021

GARY SMITH: Not for the faint-hearted The Lovely Mrs. Smith and I had a houseguest this week: the littlest of the Little Princesses came to spend a few days with us while her parents were out of town. Now I'm not quite of the opinion tha... February 26, 2021

GARY SMITH: Northern exposure To the person or persons who elected to give up heat, electricity and water for Lent, could I ask a small favor? While we may all appreciate the depth of your commitment, could we collectively ask tha... February 19, 2021

GARY SMITH: The middle way If you've operated in the corporate world for long, you have undoubtedly come face to face with, and perhaps even been compelled to participate in, something called a Team Builder. Basically, Team Bu... February 12, 2021

GARY SMITH: Driven to distraction I'm told the Super Bowl is this weekend. As I understand it, thanks to stringent crowd limits, it will be held in front of literally hundreds of people in Tampa Bay. And the Kansas City Chief Clever ... February 5, 2021

GARY SMITH: In support of boring I read a tweet from the president of the United States the other day. The current one, not his immediate predecessor. And I was pleasantly, thankfully, gratefully ... bored OK, maybe not "bored." Jus... January 29, 2021

GARY SMITH: Tooting his horn(s) Look, I get it. Of all the terrible, soul-wrenching things that happened on Jan. 6 in our nation's capital, the fact that this one thing sticks out as something I would remember or even comment on is ... January 22, 2021

GARY SMITH: Mileage may vary As I'm sure I've mentioned before, my father was in the Air Force, which means I spent most of my formative years on Air Force bases, going to Air Force stores, living in Air Force housing and, when n... January 15, 2021

GARY SMITH: Just six days in? Remember last weekend when we were all excited and filled with hope at the new dawn, the new day and the New Year? Yeah ... good times. I mean, come on, 2021. You didn't even make it seven whole days... January 8, 2021

GARY SMITH: Avoiding the stupid So it's that time of year again. The time when those of us blessed with the opportunity to share our thoughts with readers get to take stock and present our New Year's resolutions. Hey, it's either t... January 1, 2021

A Christmas letter, 2020 Christmas is upon us and with it comes the joy, laughter, happiness and warm wishes of the season. And, those "holiday letters" that typically fill us in on all the wonderful activities our friends an... December 25, 2020

GARY SMITH: Weathering the storm One of the wisest pieces of advice I've received in my life is that I should be very, very careful what I wish for. I'm pretty sure this applies not just to me, but the idea is that we all should be c... December 18, 2020

GARY SMITH: Things that make you go "hmmm" The thing I've noticed the most about my yearly physicals isn't the sights or the smells or the paperwork or the waiting. It's the sound. Specifically the sound my doctor makes that he didn't used to... December 11, 2020

GARY SMITH: "Georiga, Georiga" I was checking my news feeds the other day (I believe the phrase is "doom scrolling," for obvious reasons), when I came across an announcement of a march in Atlanta to protest the outcome of the recen... November 27, 2020

GARY SMITH: The never-ending story I'm probably not the biggest country music fan in the world. Frankly, I'm not even in the running. But if there is one thing about the genre I appreciate, it's the lyrics. Country music lyricists may... November 13, 2020

GARY SMITH: A pitch for boring These are significantly challenging times for a columnist like me. OK, I know. Cry me a river. Times are tough all over, and honestly they're tougher for a lot of other folks than for me. Again, intr... November 6, 2020

GARY SMITH: The dread of voting So, let me get this straight. We have a worldwide pandemic, raging wildfires in the West, hurricanes and flooding along the Gulf Coast, civil unrest and an economic depression. And, on top of that, we... October 30, 2020

OPINION | GARY SMITH: You really should wear a mask If we have firmly established one thing in our time together in this space, it's that I'm not the Hard News Guy. On a regular basis these particular pages are filled with the thoughts of folks far mo... October 23, 2020

GARY SMITH: A neighborly contest In addition to all the fun family games we've learned while in Pandemic Lockdown, we've added a new backyard pastime: "Just Whose Yard Does This Belong In?" I have to admit, we already had most of th... October 16, 2020

GARY SMITH: Giving up the ghost? I am all about streamlining processes, eliminating waste and creating situations where I don't have to do something more than once. Mostly, it's because I'm so lazy I don't really want to do it the fi... October 9, 2020

GARY SMITH: No time for 2020 Those who know me will tell you I am somewhat oblivious to most things, even those that directly impact me. Potentially, that includes even those things directly impacting me at the moment (which expl... October 2, 2020

GARY SMITH: My pandemic checklist So, we're officially God only knows how far into the pandemic, which means we have God only knows how long to go before we officially have all the drastic measures we've had to take in the rear view m... September 25, 2020

GARY SMITH: Vacation, on repeat There was a concept that was foreign to me as a child and, frankly, even as a single adult that has grown on me to the degree that I'm not sure how I did without it previously. It's the family vacatio... September 18, 2020

GARY SMITH:Pull the car over, now! I get car sick. It's always been a thing (definitely for my parents, but, hey, I'm the youngest of three, so they knew the job was dangerous when they took it), but it seems to be getting worse with a... August 28, 2020

GARY SMITH: Playing games It is safe to say we are living in, as the old Chinese curse/wish puts it, "interesting times." Despite recent expansions of what we all might think possible in the way of social interaction, it's sti... August 21, 2020

GARY SMITH: Some assembly suggested I'm having to spend a lot of time lately assembling things. And as most everyone knows, no good can possibly come of that. Let's take note here: I said assembling, not building or making, because bui... August 14, 2020

Gary Smith: If a bear doesn’t get you … When I think about things that live in the woods and are a real danger to attack and bite me and generally make my life miserable, I tend to think Big Picture – bears, wolves, ocelots (whatever those ... August 7, 2020

GARY SMITH: Two-wheeled, but different The Lovely Mrs. Smith and I decided to brave the big old world outside our driveway and see what life was like since the Before Times. Or, we got away to a rented (and delivered by experts) RV to Eur... July 31, 2020

GARY SMITH: Change is in the air, but apparently not in the store's cash register It seems, as a nation, we have a problem, specifically a problem with change. Change is in the air. It is, however, not in the cash registers. Apparently, there is a nationwide change shortage such t... July 24, 2020

GARY SMITH: Have mask, will travel More random thoughts from the Wear Your Mask front. Because the struggle is real and continues. First, wear a mask. Seriously, if it's something you have to have to get into a Walmart, it's probably ... July 17, 2020

GARY SMITH: Revised holiday plans More dispatches from the working from home front, many of which might actually even be related to working from home: ••• Remember when we used to get to this point on the calendar ... July 3, 2020

GARY SMITH: Give me liberty! Not to beat a dead horse, but ... Here, in no apparent order, are several activities even the most liberty-conscious among us have decided we're at least reasonably OK with allowing to be governed by... June 26, 2020

GARY SMITH: All washed up Of masks and men. OK, at least of masks and me. And with apologies to John Steinbeck ... • I've made a change in my mask-wearing process. Gone is the "up-from-the-neck-to-as-high-as-you-want-it... June 12, 2020

GARY SMITH: An odd age I was 8 years old in 1968. That's sort of an odd age, as ages go. You're old enough to generally understand the basics of what is going on around you and young enough that you'd don't fully grasp what... June 5, 2020

GARY SMITH: Masking our pride I can certainly appreciate that there are people reluctant to wear a mask in public. Masks are uncomfortable and, unless you're in certain parts of health care or the bank-robbing industry, foreign to... May 29, 2020

GARY SMITH: What the doctor ordered Among the things I would have gotten done by this time most years (including my taxes, five haircuts and complete, pointless and largely inaccurate research on the Cardinals' prospects for the season)... May 22, 2020

GARY SMITH: Notes from a pandemic More dispatches from the front as we all continue the Work-from Home Battle... Despite the current circumstances in the world, I feel we all always need to continue to question, to learn, to search th... May 15, 2020

GARY SMITH: Feeling a bit needy There is so much to think about in the world today. Me? I'm thinking about Abraham Maslow. Specifically, I'm thinking about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. It's one of those things I vaguely remember fro... May 1, 2020

GARY SMITH: Life as a hand-washing rebel Greetings from the front. Because it's always darkest just before I figure out how to open the blinds in this room. No, wait, if you pull on that, the blinds go all the way over ... So here's what's b... April 17, 2020

GARY SMITH: The pandemic life More dispatches from the front, because we're all fighting the same battle now: • As we all collectively continue in our isolation, it's possible to come to the realistic conclusion we're not ac... April 10, 2020

GARY SMITH: Homeward bound So, it's come to this. At the request of my "day job" employer, my numerous co-workers and I have been invited to all continue to do our part, but to just do it from home. I believe the phrase is "wor... March 20, 2020

GARY SMITH: Hands across America First off, let me say that the coronavirus and health concerns associated with it are very real and need to be taken very, very seriously. We should all exercise the necessary precautions, if not for ... March 13, 2020

GARY SMITH: Monkey business So, a baboon escapes from a van while on his way to get a vasectomy. That's almost as good an opening line as the one from the Best Joke Ever, which begins with "a guy walks into a bar with a frog on ... March 6, 2020

GARY SMITH: Here's looking at you, kid At first, children are a mirror. We look at them and long to see ourselves. From the moment they're born, we search their tiny faces for familiarity, examine their characteristics for signs of those w... February 28, 2020

GARY SMITH: Speaking my language (sort of) The Academy Awards were held last Sunday night, which means I, like most sane Americans, found out Monday morning that the Picture of the Year was a film called Parasite. (Seriously? You stayed up to ... February 14, 2020

GARY SMITH: Behind the badge Before we go any further, I have to warn you. I carry a badge. By that I mean I wear one, around my neck on a brightly colored rope thing called a lanyard, which is a derivation of a French word that ... February 7, 2020