When I was 3 years old, my grandfather died. My mother tells me that my grandmother found the lump in her breast while dressing for the funeral and was so grief-stricken that she ignored it. I stayed with my grandmother often, since we lived next door, and I remember her showing me the long scar where her breast had been following the surgery to remove the cancer. When I was 7, she died.
I was so angry with God that I cried every night, standing in my bed to look out the window, searching for a way to make the pain go away. I would get myself so worked up I would throw up in bed, and my mother would have to come and clean up the mess.
I guess I always assumed that I would eventually be diagnosed with breast cancer. I was named for my grandmother and look a lot like her. But the way that I found out that I had cancer was nothing like my grandmother's story -- in the same way early detection and treatment of breast cancer is nothing like it was over 60 years ago. A routine mammogram discovered the first of two different types of cancer well before I could have felt them by touch. And the well-coordinated team of specialists in Northwest Arkansas working through Highlands Oncology and The Breast Center guided me through the decisions that needed to be made and the treatment plan that I chose.
There have been many times in my life that I've been angry with God, but let me reassure you that my journey with cancer has not been one of those times. No, quite the contrary; I have only felt blessed.
First, I believe that we are all blessed by the countless hours of research and the dedication of scientists and doctors throughout the years that have made the treatment of cancer more effective and less invasive. Each year, early detection occurs even earlier because of new technology. And we in Northwest Arkansas are blessed to have specialists and equipment that is second to none. During my radiation treatment, visitors from another state came to be trained on the equipment that we have at Highlands Oncology.
The Komen Foundation had its annual "Pink Luncheon" this past week, raising money for breast cancer. It was an opportunity to give thanks to God for lives saved and moments lived as a result of efforts to combat breast cancer. The Komen organization has changed in the past few years, and so now more effort is needed to raise funds locally to meet the needs of those going through cancer treatment and their families. Hope Cancer Resources of Springdale and the Washington Regional J.B. Hunt Transport Services Cancer Support Home in Fayetteville are two organizations serving cancer patients that need local support.
I have also felt blessed by the love and support of family and friends. My thankfulness to God for the way that I have felt God's love through the love of others has often seemed overwhelming. And in that way, I have experienced some healing of the anger I felt when my grandmother died. My grandmother was a woman of great faith, and although I remember her being in pain as her death approached, I also remember her being at peace and feeling loved. God may not have provided the means for saving her life through medicine, but in the many ways that I have felt Christ's presence with me in my breast cancer journey, I am confident that she also felt blessed through the love and care of others as they served her in Christ-like ways.
The Rev. Dr. Leslie Smith Belden is a minister of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), serving as the stated clerk of the Presbytery of Arkansas. Contact her at [email protected].