Many across our state have sent messages of caring and support since my final of 35 radiation and seven chemotherapy treatments for squamous cell cancer mercifully ended on Sept. 6.
I've appreciated each and every one as the days have ticked away since that morning when I rang the bell. And I continue to appreciate the hundreds of supportive messages readers continue to send.
Most ask how I've been progressing since that day. Well, at 10 weeks removed, it's progressing slooowly, step by step.
That was expected. I was told upfront the recovery from such an assault on my neck, mouth and throat would be slow, perhaps even up to a year. And even then, my mouth will remain dry from now on from having only a single spared saliva gland, as well as food and drink tasting differently from having my taste buds repeatedly irradiated.
They weren't kidding. My mouth stays dry all day and night.
Thus far, I'm continuing to rely on the feeding tube to maintain weight, since eating any real food has been limited to bites here and there of ... oh, let's see now ... sweet potato, pinto beans, soft cereal and scrambled eggs. Just eight months ago I looked forward to enjoying steaks, cheeseburgers, and that tender, flavorful plate-sized pork tenderloin with white gravy from Jamie's Local Flavor Restaurant in Harrison.
The soreness in my throat has finally subsided, replaced by what feels like puffiness that make me hesitant to shove any food through my esophagus for fear of choking. So I'm in a place today where it's become easy and productive nutritionally to remain a slave to the tube.
Becoming dependant on that unappealing alternative for my remaining time isn't something I want. But I also need to maintain my new weight.
And although the astounding amount of thick phlegm caused by irritation to the mouth and throat has subsided, it is still enough to keep me constantly clearing my throat, which gets tiresome.
There have been other enduring effects. When I look in the mirror after losing more than 40 pounds during treatment, it can feel as if a stranger is staring back.
The radiation claimed the beard I'd worn since 1976, and it looks to me as if my cheeks melted into what Jeanetta calls a "goozle" sagging beneath my chin. That's a new term for me, but one she and other aging females I know say they personally have dreaded.
Some of these changes are inevitable for many of us when we reach our 76th year on the planet. It's just not the face I've lived with, which, of course, is something we all must face with age. The constant bombardment of radiation over seven weeks seems to have accelerated the process for me.
While I am feeling stronger overall, there are still better days than others when it comes to feeling anywhere close to the high energy I had before therapy.
And the six weeks of reclaiming strength training I've undergone at the Jones Physical Therapy Center in Harrison three days weekly continues to restore my energy level and muscle strength.
My experience has brought me into helpful and supportive contact with others who have shared the therapy. You could smile and call it our "Brotherhood of the Squamous." Could T-shirts be next?
I've written about Phillip Dixon from Eureka Springs, and lately I've also exchanged messages with Dan Johnson of Texarkana. Both were treated for squamous cells in their necks. Phillip, who is 67, began his 35-week ordeal with radiation and chemo the same day I did, while Dan, 63, was three weeks ahead of us.
From what Phillip describes, he and I are pretty much following a similar path in our slow recoveries, largely eating soup, eggs and oatmeal.
Born in Springdale, Dan finished school in Lamar and moved to the Texas side of Texarkana in 2000. While my squamous cell cancer, like Phillip's, arose in a golf-ball-sized lymph node on the left side of my neck, Dan said his was more apple-sized on the right side.
He underwent surgery followed by radiation and chemo. All in all, he also had 15 lymph nodes removed as a precaution against the cancer spreading.
It's helped me to have Dan three weeks ahead to provide a glimpse into what likely awaits. With the help of a lot of water as a chaser, he's already downing sausage, hamburger, eggs and even biscuits and gravy. He can take small bites of solid food, chew them very well and swallow with a gulp of water.
He said he does it all very slowly, sometimes taking as long as 45 minutes to finish a meal.
While far from ideal, when one finds themselves in this condition, even small accomplishments are monumental victories. They say everything is relative, don't they (whoever they are)?
I've never been one to lecture others on their lifestyles and choices. First, I don't have the inclination to tell another person how they should live. Secondly, I don't have the standing, even if I wanted to.
But I will say no one wants to enjoy the misery that I and so many others have gone through in recent months. Nothing is worth it.
And the medical experts say smoking is undoubtedly one cause of squamous cell cancer. So take that into serious consideration as you take another puff and face the possibility of enjoying what myself, Dan and Phillip (a former smoker) will continue to endure for our remaining years.
And if you're anything like me, you are telling yourself about now that that kinda thing wouldn't happen to me. Well, my friends, that's just what I thought eight moths ago. All it takes is a single squamous cell to get swept up by a vigilant lymph node and you'll have joined a club you will wish you'd have avoided at all costs.
Dream big
I suppose everyone realizes if were to defeat Missouri today and win a bowl game, we will have had an 8-win season, just one shy of last year's 9-4. And think about the 10 wins that would have been possible had we not so badly botched chances in the A&M game and KJ Jefferson not been ruled down short of the goal line as he was attempting a two-point conversion against Liberty University. A game of inches indeed.
Now go out into the world and treat everyone you meet exactly like you want them to treat you.
Mike Masterson is a longtime Arkansas journalist, was editor of three Arkansas dailies and headed the master's journalism program at Ohio State University. Email him at [email protected].