Dear Abby: My husband, who is 81 and in excellent health, has suggested that when we can no longer live independent lives (I am 72), we should move closer to his daughter in another state so she and her husband can help.
I don’t like her husband, and I don’t want to be reliant on him or socialize with him. In the 15 years I’ve known him, we have never had a conversation. I’ve tried, but he can’t relate to older women because of a bad relationship with his mother. He only talks about his dogs, guns or sports, which I’m not interested in.
It breaks my heart that my husband and I may spend the last years of our lives apart. I’m sure my husband would tell me to “get over” my dislike of his daughter’s husband. Do I have to agree to be around someone I have nothing in common with? I don’t like the part of the country they live in either. — Nervous In New Mexico
Dear Nervous: My late mother told me that parents who count on their children “taking care of them” in their old age are in for a rude awakening. You and your husband are equal partners in this marriage. If you dislike the man his daughter is married to and the area of the country in which they live, no law says you are obligated to relocate. Have that difficult discussion with your spouse soon, preferably in the office of a marriage and family therapist.
Dear Abby: I’ve been in an on-and-off relationship with a woman for three years. We live two hours apart. In the beginning, our relationship was wonderful. We would see each other regularly and would text and video chat daily and talked about marriage.
As time went on, she became more distant. She would take forever to respond or not respond at all. Her excuse was work. She was always working and always had something going on. I found out she was dealing with some personal things. When I explained that relationships are about communication, she disagreed.
I was so upset and frustrated that I said some horrible things to her. I even used foul language. She didn’t even bother to take two minutes to wish me happy birthday. I always remember her birthday.
She is making me out to be the bad guy. I’m so hurt and angry at her because of her refusal to communicate. Am I really the bad person here? — Uncertain In Pennsylvania
Dear Uncertain: Although you refuse to recognize it, this woman has been communicating. Her behavior indicates that she isn’t as interested in you as you are in her, which should have become apparent as she became more distant.
You are not a bad person, and neither is she. She’s just afraid to give you bad news verbally. There is nothing you can do besides tell her it’s apparent she isn’t as invested in the relationship as you are and make a graceful exit.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother,Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440,Los Angeles,CA 90069 or visit
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