Opinion

OPINION | GARY SMITH: Capacity for forgetfulness means it’s always a new TV season

Short memory for TV plots an entertainment adventure

For some reason (general forgetfulness, tiny little attention span, inability to remember names or faces or names and faces, all of the above), I can't remember the plots of television or movie series.

I know, I know: It's a "me" problem.

It's always been this way, even when I was younger and didn't have to spend a lot of time trying to remember why I came into a room or where my car keys were or if I'd even driven (an unfortunate byproduct of the growth of the ride-sharing industry).

I understand my short memory for movies and TV shows is not exactly telethon/GoFundMe page worthy. And, it's not necessarily the fault of the producers and directors of and actors in those series. I mean, I'll likely blame them, but it's not anything they did. Or didn't do.

On the one hand, it's pretty annoying for my family and friends who want to discuss the latest hit, only to have me interrupt with "Now, which one is that?" On the other hand, since I can't actually remember a plot, I can watch the same series over and over again and be entertained each time. And since not only can I not remember most plots, I tend to get the plots I sort of remember confused with each other. That opens up an entirely new world of script possibilities every time I turn on the TV.

Apparently, this is referred to as a "crossover," at least when TV execs do it on purpose. With characters from shows on the same network. Not from TV shows that have been cancelled. Years ago. Or from movies.

When I do it, it's called "a mess."

The reason all this matters (at least to me) is a new season of a series called "Stranger Things" has apparently just been released. And apparently this is news not only because it was a very popular series in its time, but that time was about three years ago.

Now I can't be critical of this or of the series itself because, well, I didn't actually watch it. I don't think. The fact that I'm not sure also led to a conversation that may or may not have happened with one of my offspring.

Me: "So, 'Stranger Things.' Is that the one where all the fairy tale creatures are real?"

Offspring: "Nope, that's 'Once Upon a Time,' or 'Grimm.' Or tomorrow's nightly news (apparently being a smart aleck is not a regressive trait in my family). "Stranger Things' is about aliens and supernatural powers in a small town."

Me: "And vampires, right?"

Offspring: "Nope, that's 'True Blood,' which ended years ago and starred a bunch of people from the United Kingdom playing Southerners."

Me: "Probably why the accents were better than on 'The Ya Ya Sisterhood.' Were there dragons?"

Offspring: "No, that's 'Game of Thrones.' Or 'Shrek,' but you're most likely thinking about 'Game of Thrones.'"

Me: "Ya, 'Shrek' was the cartoon with the horse."

Offspring: "Donkey. Close."

Me: "And the 'Game of the Week' thing was set in England because they all had British accents ... "

Offspring: "'Thrones.' And no, it was set in a mythical land that doesn't really exist. And yes, they all had British accents because that's the default accent for foreigners so Americans can understand them. Explains why all the Germans speak with British accents in World War II movies."

Me: "And there were little guys with furry feet ..."

Offspring: "Nope, that's 'The Lord of the Rings.' Easy to get confused because, a dragon and British accents."

Me: "But I just saw a preview for the 'Thrones' deal with that guy who was married to the queen, except he'd let his hair grow long and it was really blonde ... "

Offspring: "That's 'House of Dragon,' a prequel to "Game of Thrones.' And he was in "The Crown' but, since the British don't believe in orthodontics or using makeup to age characters, they replaced him with someone else and then ... someone else."

Me: "That 'House' deal has Lady Gaga in it, right?"

Offspring; "That's 'House of Gucci.'"

Me: "With Bradley Cooper."

Offspring: "No, that was Adam Driver, an almost impossible mistake to make. Cooper and Gaga were in "A Star is Born."

Me: "With Barbara Streisand ... "

Offspring: "Well, no, not together. But, yeah ... "

Me: "And James Mason."

Offspring: "Who's James Mason?"

Me: "He was in 'A Star is Born.' With Judy Garland. You know him. He had a great British accent. Was in all those World War II movies. Always played a German. Never understood that ... "

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