In earth-shattering, critical news of the sort that will shake our collective faith in what is good, decent and acceptable in the world, a member of the British Royal Family has committed a transgression so egregious that it bears repeated condemnation throughout the entire United Kingdom.
Prince William has messed up. We might say he did something else-up, but we'd be getting ahead of ourselves a bit.
Seems William, second in line to the crown and in many ways the public face of the monarchy, was caught on camera swearing in public.
Apparently while watching Wimbledon recently the Prince revealed it's not just his blood that's blue when he was caught uttering a particular word that rhythms with "duck," but isn't after a British player lost a point.
You may have missed it, but it's likely you felt the seismic impacts of pearls being clutched all over England. According to many in the British press, the thing he did just "isn't done." Even though we have evidence he, in fact, did it.
The comedian George Carlin can apparently say it (and six other words, though not on television), but the future King of England can't. Which seems strange, considering the obvious power imbalance.
I would find this amusing if it weren't so serious. OK, it's not actually serious at all (which puts it right in my wheelhouse) so I just find it amusing. I mean, we're Americans. For us, swearing during sporting events is practically a sport unto itself. Particularly when national or regional pride is at stake. Or money. But pride, for sure.
Now I realize that William's current and future roles are very important. I am, however, not sure exactly what they are. In fact, I believe we fought two perfectly good wars to ensure I don't have to know what they are. But whatever they are, looks like they involve not dropping an f-bomb in public. Even though I believe he still has the option to, at least through back channels, order real bombs dropped. May be wrong on that.
Having said that, I feel like this may be one of those things for which we cut the man a little slack. Apparently he was wearing a tie to an outdoor sporting event. Whoever you are and whatever fancy schmancy seat is in your future, you have to do that, you get to say whatever you want, even if the only queens you've ever seen are at Homecoming.
And, let's recap his actual position in life. He's a relatively young man with small children, one of whom appears to be, shall we say, very demonstrative and energetic. He has a very public job with lots of pressures and since it's a family business, his next promotion means his grandmother and father are dead.
In addition, every time he signs a check he has to write "William Arthur Philip Louis, duke of Cambridge, earl of Strathearn and Baron Carrickfergus, formerly Prince William of Wales." All on that little line. And I bet they still ask for two forms of ID.
If he hasn't taken to cussing yet, despite his current situation, it just means he has yet to step on a Lego with bare feet in the middle of the night. Or tried to teach a somewhat focused teenager how to drive (in his case, on the wrong side of the road). Or watched his child bat with the bases loaded, down three in the bottom of the ninth. OK, being British, I doubt that one's going to happen. I'd offer up a similar situation in cricket, if I or anyone else, including people who actually play the game, understood the rules well enough to do so.
The point of all this is that, in a world full of some amazingly awful things of late, the fact that alarm was raised when the not-quite-yet largely ceremonial head of a country was caught on tape doing something as horrible as expressing frustration that a countryman was struggling indicates that some among us may be too easily offended.
On the other hand, after all that's gone on (up to and including Boris Johnson's hair) the fact that any sense of outrage remains is perhaps a good thing. Even if it's misplaced.
So let's cut William some slack. Been a rough few years. And besides, when it comes to members of the British monarchy committing a small indiscretion in public, most of us don't give a....care.
Had you worried for a minute, didn't I?