The word civility comes from the root word civilité. Derivations include civilization, civilized and city. Those who lived in the city were considered civil or respected and polite while those who lived outside were known as barbarians. Erasmus, a Dutch philosopher and Catholic priest, in the early 1500s was the first to propose the difference in the behavior of those considered civilized apart from those who were not. He warned that unless humans were willing to discipline their desires, there would be nothing to distinguish them from other animals. He maintained that self-discipline was the mark of civilization and anything less was barbarianism.
Perhaps, since the inception of our nation, we have been in a decline. But many Americans today, like some Americans of any era, believe our nation's civility appears to be falling apart. George Washington wrote over 100 rules of civility in the margins of a school textbook when he was 14 years old. While many were merely statements of expected manners, others were broader in scope. Such a larger and more comprehensive understanding of civility would govern our attitudes toward all other members of society including individuals, groups, organizations and all levels of government as well. At least, we should be willing to respect the existence of each other and the willingness to allow each other to pursue our own interests without harassment or interference. I believe it is the lack of such we see almost daily in partisan politics and public rancor that continues to fuel our decline of civility.
Jack Krupansky, a freelance Washington, D.C., computer science consultant and blogger on values and social divides, outlined in a May 17, 2017, post more than a hundred words he felt characterized civility. These included mutual respect and the respect for the rights and dignity of each other as well as a willingness to hear each other out with courteous discourse and respectful dissent. He also listed characteristics he felt reduced the civility of society. This included disrespect, selfishness, hatred, quarreling and discouraging alternative points of view. While we all have a right to free speech, that right comes with an obligation to respect the rights of others.
When did our civility collapse? I believe it began in the 1960s and matured in the 1970s. In his book "The Seventies," Bruce Schulman suggested perhaps the beginning is 1968, the year of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and calls for civil justice-fueled protests; the year protests against the war in Vietnam were in earnest, and when the peaceful nonviolent protests against the establishment from the 1950s were shattered and a new ethic of personal liberation trumped older notions of decency, civility and restraint.
David Frum, in his book "How We Got Here: The '70s, the Decade that Brought You Modern Life -- for Better or Worse," states, "the social stability of the 50s was not inherited from some distant past. It was the self-conscious achievement of a society that had overcome its disorder, doubt and disunity, and when that stability was lost, the disorder, the doubt, and the disunity returned."
Can we correct the loss of our civility? Stephen L. Carter, in his book "Civility," makes several suggestions but perhaps the strongest is this: "Teaching civility, by word and example, is an obligation of the family. The state must not interfere with the family's effort to create a coherent moral universe for its children."
We should recall the words of Robert F. Kennedy from the speech he made in Indianapolis on April 5, 1968, the year the slide from civility began. He said, "What we need in the United States is not division. What we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence or lawlessness, but love and wisdom and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer in our country, whether they be white or Black."
But can we do it? Of course, we can. But it must start in the home and be visible at the highest levels of public discourse in our government. It must encompass a change of attitude from disrespect, selfishness, and hatred to the basic requirements of civility - generosity and trust.