Opinion

OPINION | GARY SMITH: Arkansas gets another dose of winter precipitation, begging the question: Why does sleet exist?

And the survey says: Is winter over with yet?

I'm a big fan of informal polling, mostly because I'm too lazy and cheap to do actual polling or even research other actual polling, and because acknowledging the existence of actual polling would indicate I care about other people's opinions. I mean, really, these days, who has time for that?

Also, I like informal polling because, since it's "informal," I don't have to have any rules. So, I can be polling myself. Which I usually am. Kind of like talking to myself, which is kind of an outgrowth of working from home. Yeah, let's go with that.

One of the most interesting aspects of a return to the office is going to be observing all those people who had fallen into strange habits and are suddenly going to realize they've been singing Celine Dion hits. Not necessarily under their breath. And now everyone around them knows their heart will go on and on.

But, as you can imagine, I'm digressing here. Wanted to get that out of the way early.

No, what my latest informal poll has indicated to me is that folks are somewhat ambivalent about snow. I mean, it can go either way. Some hate, some love, best in small doses, that sort of thing. Generally, people can take or leave snow. But no one likes sleet.

Snow is "let's build a snowman and throw snowballs and travel great distances at even greater expense to do something dangerous like ski so we can play in the snow and create huge mounds of wet clothes our parents have to take care of, only to have them replaced with more huge mounds of wet clothes when we decide to go back outside for all of 15 minutes."

OK, more digression. Or flashbacks.

Sleet is trying to kill you. Maybe maim you, but certainly, as a top-line goal, kill you.

Kill you when you walk outside to see if it's slick (a note: yes, yes, frozen rain is slick). Kill you when you try to let the dog out. Kill you when you slip and slide to the mailbox only to discover you risked life and limb for two catalogs and a flyer for air travel. And most of all, kill you when you drive.

Sleet is the mosquitoes of weather. I mean, I'm sure there's a good scientific reason, but at the heart of it, why?

It snows and we're all busting to get outside and flop around in it. It sleets and you practically have to force children and pets to creep inches from the back door, followed by them turning gingerly and staring at you with a look that conveys their belief you've put them on an ice flow and pushed it away from the shore.

Remember that look. That's the one you'll have later when your care is in their hands. And ice flows may actually be involved. At least metaphorically.

With snow, even I am tempted to go outside. I mean, windshields and deicer don't scrap and spread themselves, respectively.

But with sleet, all I want to do is periodically shuffle to the window, look outside, grumble about the ice and cold and return to the sofa, where the Lovely Mrs. Smith and I battle for blanket coverage (that's coverage by a blanket, not some strange insurance deal) and watch British detective shows.

Yeah, I know, I'm saying that like it's a bad thing. Instead of your average Tuesday night.

Snow is how that part of the country not blessed enough to be located below the Mason-Dixon Line operates for roughly 13 months of the year. Except for the summer, which, if it falls on a weekend, is really nice.

Ice is how exactly no one but Ice Road Truckers and those odd motorcycle racers with spikes on their tires operate. And the motorcycle guys all live in countries where they spell "tires" with a "y," so they're just wrong to begin with.

Bottom line: sleet is snow's evil twin. And snow isn't all that nice, so maybe "evil-er" twin? And since whoever is in charge of that sort of thing has determined we need to experience all four seasons over the space of two weeks, the sooner they decide we can move past this, the better.

So, I've taken another informal survey and results are that those polled are all ready to get the winter over with and move on to complaining about rain in the spring and heat in the summer. Because without opinions (some would say "whining"), what are polls for?

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