According to a recent federal court ruling, I don't have to wear a mask on airplanes anymore.
This particular ruling was met by extremely intense and deeply polarized reactions throughout the nation. Which makes it not at all different from any of the other extremely intense and deeply polarized reactions throughout the nation to, well, just about anything over the past few years. I mean, there are people who are mad at Mickey Mouse, so our capacity for seemingly unmerited intense reaction apparently knows no bounds.
If we are to believe reporting, this is the most significant ruling since, I don't know, the last really significant ruling that got everyone all stirred up. That or New Coke. Maybe I date myself there.
However, I can't help but feel that for all the hoopla, not everyone was as concerned. For instance, when I was informed of the ruling, my first reaction was "Is that still a thing?" And then "well, uh ... OK."
I mean, apparently, my ability to manufacture extremely intense reactions has actually decreased significantly over the long period of covid – frankly, one of the only things that has gotten smaller during that time frame.
I may be alone in that specific reaction. Reports indicate that passengers greeted the often mid-flight announcement that they didn't have to wear masks with dancing in the aisles – at least in those situations where the captain had turned off the seatbelt sign and they were permitted to move about the cabin.
Thankfully my mother wasn't on any of those planes or she would have been reminding them that they need to be in their seats, pulling up on the arm rests, which is the only thing that actually keeps the craft in the air. Mom is not a big believer in physics or aerodynamics.
I wasn't on a plane when the announcement was made, but, frankly I'm pretty certain I wouldn't have been all that excited either way. Not sure how healthy it is to lock yourself in a sealed metal tube with a lot of strangers, mask or no. So wearing them is likely not accomplishing that much. But I'm also not going to get all happy, happy about what's about the 16th most uncomfortable thing about flying, just ahead of, well, flying.
My latest experiences with air travel have consisted of standing in line, watching my bags disappear -- likely forever -- into the bowels of the airport; standing in line again only to play a game of "how fast can I take off or out everything that might set off a metal detector," or "Oh, I missed one and here comes the wand"; standing in line to pay the GDP of Norway for a soft drink; sitting in line at a gate; then waiting in the plane's aisle while someone tries to jam a steamer trunk into the overhead compartment.
So no, my thought at that moment typically is not "Wow, if only I didn't have to wear a mask, this would really be OK."
How much of a real impact is this likely to have one way or the other sort of remains to be seen. A little back-of-the-envelope math indicates that the average American spends about eight hours a year on an airplane. That's about 27 minutes actually in the air. The rest is devoted to sitting 10 feet from your gate, watching your connecting flight take off.
In a circumstance fraught with various discomforts both large and small, being relieved of one of them is not going to make the overall experience any better. Nor it is going to restore my faith in anything or upend my reliance on medical decisions being made by, you know, doctors.
I mean, a judge decided whether we should or shouldn't wear masks to prevent the spread of a highly contagious and potentially deadly disease. That's sort of like a plumber deciding that mole on my neck is just fine and I shouldn't worry about it. He might be right, but it would be purely accidental.
So over the next few months when I have to fly and the flight is delayed, and I'm still trying to get my shoelace tied after taking my shoe off to get through security, and I'm sure I'm on my way to Atlanta but my suitcase is on its way to Detroit and the person in front of me just reclined my tray table into my lap, I'll be thinking a lot of things.
Being glad I don't have to wear a mask won't be one of them.