I have a confession to make: I just don't get Halloween.
I mean, most holidays I understand, being as they revolve around things like big events or religious stuff or big events associated with religious stuff. Gotta celebrate those, right?
But Halloween? Yeah, not sure on that one. Who, exactly thought it was a good idea?
Yeah, yeah, I know. Or at least Google does, which is the next best thing. Technically, Halloween is a kind of a mash-up of old pagan holidays and All Hallows' Eve, a celebration of departed saints and martyrs. Not sure what the costumes and trick-or-treating have to do with that, but I'm also still trying to figure out what mythical egg-hauling bunnies and some guy breaking into your house and leaving things instead of taking the TV have to do with Easter and Christmas.
Sometimes you just have to go with things. And, I have a tendency not to read all the way through the memo.
Still, Halloween has always stuck out as one of those holidays where the details are a little foggy.
For one thing, I'm trying to figure out how the "pagan holiday" and "holiday honoring saints" guys worked out the merger. I'm not seeing a lot of saint-honoring in the current configuration, so I'm wondering if they went straight Rock, Paper, Scissors and the saints guys used the unwise scissors-first strategy. Or, was this thing a little more equitable earlier and we've just transitioned to dressing up in scary costumes and loading up on candy because, well, it's more fun?
Also, while I'm not necessarily in the weeds with a lot of celebrations, I feel fairly confident I understand the overview: again, basically celebrate some significant event, engage in some religious service or culturally appropriate someone else's holiday for the purposes of green beer or two-for-one margaritas.
Halloween, yeah, the plan seems to be dress the kids up as monsters and ghouls and ask them to do something we spend the rest of the year lecturing them against doing – taking candy from strangers.
Which is, of course, followed by the time-honored tradition of going through their candy bags after they've gone to sleep, eating all the good stuff like any Reese's products and leaving them those strange, cone-shaped gummies that taste like nothing.
Because, that's the way things have always worked since pagan parents rifled their kids' bearskin bags. And, it's important to preserve that tradition. And teach your children about disappointment (and the importance of hiding the good stuff) early. Life skills here.
There's also the additional pressure (and who really needs any more pressure than Christmas, Valentine's Day, anniversaries, birthdays or any other holiday, apparently, already have built in?) of figuring out matching costumes that are Instagram-worthy without destroying any semblance of pride you have remaining after years of showing up at work with baby spit-up on your pants or turning on your car and blasting your co-workers with "Baby Shark."
For a lot of us, costumes are like dancing. I mean, we'll do it, and we'll try to be enthusiastic about it, but if given the choice, well, yeah, maybe we'll just stand over here in the corner. Sure, I imagine we're missing out on some of the fun, but we're also saving everyone a lot of embarrassment.
And to be honest, I've never really read a news story where someone's career and life have been upended because pictures surfaced of him at a party in jeans and a polo.
So, to be honest, I really feel like Halloween is one of those things with a lot more downside than up. Which is a lot, considering most holidays have a lot more downside than up.
But, if I'm going to be honest, I'd have to say that's the case with most things in life. If I only engaged in things with more upside than down, I'd never watch another Arkansas or OU football game or pick up another golf club. Sometimes you just have to make friends with the fact that the fleeting moments of joy make up for the topped tee shots.
Apparently, due to the fact that our neighborhood is the Halloween candy equivalent of a target-rich environment, all the grandkids and folks connected to those grandkids will be at our house on Halloween. So we'll be swamped with babies and kiddos and costumes and candy wrappers and fake bats and all that stuff.
So, I may not get it. But, that's really not going to matter.