It's that time of year when I'm obligated to write a New Year's resolution column.
OK, I'm not really obligated. The very nice and exceptionally tolerant people who have given me the opportunity to columnize (I don't think that's actually a word, but spellcheck accepted it, so ... ) don't really require me to do anything except, you know, actually write a column and try not to libel anyone. Which is great of them, except it doesn't make up for the fact that they asked me to do this in the first place. So all this is kind of on them.
Anyway, it's that time of the year when we've all gotten done fighting with each other over whether "Die Hard" is a Christmas movie (you know, part of "Godfather II" takes place at Christmas and I'm not making any seasonal claims there). So we start making wild promises to ourselves about how we're going to be better in the upcoming year.
Hence the New Year's resolution column.
Besides, it was either that or a "Top 10 movies/books/whatever I've seen this year" column. And I don't think I've actually seen 10 movies this year. So, a "Top 10 movies I've seen this year, which is actually only six, three of which I didn't really like all that much" column probably isn't going to cut it.
As for the books, well, I did make a New Year's resolution last January to read one a month. But as the year went on I did sort of adjust the definition of "book." So, if you see me with three issues of Batman comics I found while cleaning out one of the kids' rooms and a fast setup guide to a baby monitor, well, you'll know my mission is almost accomplished. Provided I can get through the portion of the guide that's in Spanish.
The great challenge is that New Year's resolutions are centered around a basic concept: Certain things that aren't good right now will, with sufficient effort and some kale, get better. And that hasn't been the current trend. I mean, this is Year Three of a pandemic we thought would be over in 14 days, a month tops, roughly two years ago.
And nothing gets better with kale.
The problem is, New Year's resolutions are predicated on the possession of a least a small sense of optimism. They're a commitment to yourself made with the understanding that, at least based on precedent, the sun will come out tomorrow. And you should greet it by walking a mile while listening to books on tape.
And at this point, optimism is in as short a supply as at home covid tests. So it's a little hard to remain positive when, for lots of people these days, "positive" means you have a disease that has killed thousands of people. So, yeah, the devil is definitely in the details on that one.
It's challenging to set many goals for the upcoming year when success or failure may very well be dependent on people getting vaccinated and boosted, not trying to overthrow the government and, while we're at it, not hoarding toilet paper. OK, we may be past that last one.
I mean, I don't do all that great with New Year's resolutions when I control all the variables. Now that I definitely don't, I may have a challenge so large fudging on my book count isn't going to help.
So, I'm going to go with this resolution, and hope that I can pull it off. I'm not expecting things, including me, to get better. I'm just going to try to make sure they don't get worse.
I, personally, will take any and all of the boosters it's suggested I take. Every six months? Fine. I get a flu shot every year and I'm not radioactive yet, so, I'm betting I'm good with the vaccine as well. I take allergy medicine every day and I don't know what's in that, either. I do, however, not sneeze uncontrollably. So I'm going to assume it's working.
I also promise I won't try to overthrow the government. I mean, you'd think that would be a sort of "shooting fish in a barrel" one, but apparently, it ought to work it's way on to quite a few more lists this year. Maybe sort of a minimum expectation thing.
And if all that fails, well, maybe I should commit to watching 10 movies in 2022. That might be easier to write about.