Opinion

OPINION | GARY SMITH: People with different opinions don't, usually, qualify as Nazis, so can we stop calling them that?

Those who challenge us aren’t even Hitler-ish, usually

With the season of giving fast upon us, I wanted to take a moment to spell out something important – what I want to be getting. Because people can't give presents without having someone to give them to. And someone has to do the hard work of getting presents so others can give them. Just doing my part to make others happy.

Typically at this time of year, when asked, I tell my loved ones I want what I've always wanted: a Maserati. Oh, sure, sure, for them to be happy and world peace and an end to hunger and yada, yada, yada. But really, a Maserati.

I know what you're saying: That's ridiculous. What would I do with a Maserati? It's wildly impractical, completely useless for me and an utterly ridiculous pipe dream.

To which I say, well, sure. Then as an alternative, how about we all agree to have a day when no one gets to call anyone else a Nazi?

So now you're thinking, do you want that Maserati in black or are you wanting to go straight up mid-life crisis red?

Because if there's one thing that appears to run through every contemporary conversational thread, it's that, at some point, someone is going to be called a Nazi.

In fact, there's even a name for the phenomenon. It's called Godwin's Law, named after the attorney who pointed out the likelihood that the longer an online discussion lasted, the more likely it was that someone was going to get compared to Hitler or called a ... you know.

With that in mind, I'd like to call a general moratorium, at least for one day, on the practice of attributing every difference of opinion to the fact that the person with whom you are disagreeing is clearly a member of the National Socialist German Worker's Party.

So, you don't get to call law enforcement officers Nazis for writing you a ticket for going 10 miles over the speed limit. Particularly when you were, in fact, going 10 miles over the speed limit. That's not being victimized by heavy-handed police state. That's the consequences of being an idiot. We've all been there.

You don't get to call public health officials Nazis, or compare them to infamous Nazis because they want to keep you safe. I mean, their actions would seem to me to be exactly the opposite of being a Nazi, but what do I know?

You don't get to call your grandfather a Nazi just because he watches a different television channel. You do get to call him a sadist because he watches it at full volume with a soundbar so you can hear it from the driveway when you pull up. When those of us who can't hear can hear it, yeah, a little loud.

You don't get to call teachers or school administrators Nazis. And if you do, you have to prepare and deliver a lesson on Nazis to a group of high school students. But first you have to take away their phones. And then you get to be a substitute Nazi.

You do get to call members of opposing political parties any manner of terrible, foul and physically impossible things. But you don't get to call them Nazis. Unless they decide to call themselves Nazis. Which, I guess, is a thing. I mean, if they started it ... .

You also get to call the Soup Nazi a Nazi. Because that's a really funny "Seinfeld" episode. That and the one where George's father comes up with Festivus. I mean, laughing at Nazis and grouchy old men is probably OK.

You can't call government workers, from the IRS to the nice ladies at the county office, Nazis because you didn't do your paperwork correctly. You don't get to call the kid at the drive-thru a Nazi because ketchup is extra. You don't get to call airline personnel Nazis because they have the timidity to inform you that you really can't have 12 beers and then lock yourself in a metal tube at 30,000 feet with 100 other people.

For at least one day, I'd really like it if we could, collectively and individually, just not call other people some of the worst people ever because they had the audacity not to let us do or say whatever we wanted with no consequences.

Who knows? Maybe my Day Without Nazis will start a trend, a movement that will keep people from making that particular ridiculous comparison in response to very minor inconveniences.

And if it doesn't, maybe I get the Maserati. As far as I'm concerned, it's a win-win.

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