Have you ever noticed how some folks put a "the" in front of certain words, as in, "you know she used to go to the Walmart every week before she got the Alzheimer's"?
Turns out, I'm one of those folks. I didn't realize I was one of those folks until I noticed that my editor takes out the "the" each time I write this way. My editor is correct, of course, as all editors are. But when I read it as edited, it doesn't sound right to me. It doesn't sound right to Uncle Ronnie either, but then, he types everything in all capital letters without punctuation. That's enough to make a newspaper editor fall out.
All of which reminds me, we are long overdue for another installment of Southern vernacular. For those new to town and for those around a spell, here's some vocabulary that "sounds right" to me and my mine:
• Fall out -- usually meaning to stop being friendly with someone, such as "Cletus and Earline had a fallin' out last night at the Avoca One Stop." But in the Delta regions of Arkansas, this is often used in reference to someone being overcome by weakness or emotion. "They called the ambulance to the church house Sunday morning 'cause Bertha fell out during 'Amazin' Grace'."
• Tight as a tick – full from consuming too much food. "Well, it's hard to know with Bertha whether it was the Holy Spirit or her girdle that got hold of her since she was tight as a tick from the biscuit-and-gravy buffet that morning."
• Hold your horses – wait a minute. "Now, Ethel, hold your horses. She probably got all worked up over that slick-haired preacher. You know she thinks the sun rises and sets on him."
• Thinks the sun rises and sets on him – to think he's the most important person in the world. "Please, that preacher? You better count your fingers after he shakes your hand."
• Count your fingers after he shakes your hand – he can't be trusted. "I agree, but she just swoons when he's around like she's the only berry on the bush."
• Only berry on the bush – absorbed in oneself. "I hate to rain on her parade, but Bertha is most certainly not the only berry."
• Rain on her parade – spoil her plans or dreams. "Ethel, that is awful. It's true, but awful. I guess it doesn't hurt to let her think she's prettier than a store-bought doll."
• Prettier than a store-bought doll – beautiful. "No, I guess not. It's six of one, half dozen of another."
• Six of one, half dozen of another – it's the same either way. "At least she wears a girdle – thank the Lord for Lycra! And she got a good deal on it down at the Walmart. Wanna go over yonder and see if they got any left?"
• Over yonder – a place in the distance visible from your location. "SURE, BUT DISABLED/ELDERLY/PREGNANT CHILDREN HAVE TO WEAR A MASK IN THE STORE."
Now that's a sentence Uncle Ronnie could appreciate. I hope my editor's all right.