GREG HARTON: "Sorry" seems it can still be the hardest word

I probably owe someone an apology.

Truth be told, it's more likely than not we all do.

It's the nature of human relations that, sooner or later, each of us will say or do something that leaves someone we know injured. Maybe we caused it. Maybe the slight was one of perception, an unintended consequence of one's actions or words. They don't hurt any less.

Most of us stink at apologies. They're no fun, after all. Apologies demand that we acknowledge being wrong, and who wants to do that? Some Happy Days fans will remember the ultra-cool Fonzie, with intended comedic effect, could never get the words "wrong" or "sorry" out of his mouth when he was attempting to apologize. It's almost as if Henry Winkler became our president.

Oh, I get it. Saying "I'm sorry" is perceived as weakness, and Donald Trump wants nothing to do with such perceptions. And one gets the impression he really thinks he's never wrong, so why should he ever apologize?

Barack Obama had little hesitation when he spoke overseas, particularly, to outline ways he thought the United States had committed wrongs over recent decades. Some derided his time in office as an apology tour. Most often, he seemed to be acknowledging some faults with his own country's actions as a strategy for nudging other countries to acknowledge faults in their own foreign policy.

I'd like presidents to fall somewhere in between Trump and Obama.

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A news event got me to thinking the other day about one question: Is it ever too late to apologize?

The Emily Posts and Miss Manners of the world suggest there's no expiration date on a sincere apology, especially if a relationship cannot possibly be restored until that apology occurs.

Perhaps that's what was behind the decision of New York Police Commission James O'Neill's to apology for a police raid that happened 50 years ago.

On June 28, 1969, police officers raided the Stonewall Inn in New York's Greenwich Village neighborhood for no other reason than it was a gathering place for gay men and lesbians. The police department's "Public Morals" division those days made regular raids of such establishments. Homosexuality was viewed as mental illness and a crime in many places. That night, however, circumstances led to the gathering of a riotous crowd outside as the raid went on. Those riots became a foundation for a U.S. movement in pursuit of rights for gays and lesbians.

In the 50 years since, apparently nobody from the New York City Police Department has ever apologized, until O'Neill did last week. "The actions taken by the NYPD were wrong, plain and simple," he said. "The actions and the laws were discriminatory and oppressive. And for that, I apologize."

Does it matter that a police commissioner who was an 8-year-old kid in Brooklyn at the time of the Stonewall Inn incident offers an apology? Today's NYPD had nothing to do with that raid.

Did O'Neill show weakness, or by acknowledging that today's NYPD wouldn't behave the same way as those cops in 1969, was he wise to mend modern-day relationships within the community? Perhaps more than anything, he was looking out for the institution he's appointed to lead, recognizing a portion of the people his agency serves still feel wronged by its officers, no matter how long ago it happened.

Was there anything to be gained by denying some of his constituents an apology they'd awaited for 50 years? It certainly didn't require O'Neill to embrace everything the gay community advocates. But it did recognize a wrong and offered contemporary action meaningful to those facing today's challenges.

It takes humility to offer an apology, especially for an offense one isn't responsible for. Humility is probably something most of us could use a little more of.

Commentary on 06/09/2019

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