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Every now and then during in my day job, the department responsible for the weather will treat us to a detailed analysis of what could potentially present itself in the days ahead.

And no, my day job isn't actually responsible for the weather, at least not right now. Maybe, you know, in the future.

So I should probably say the department responsible for "reporting on the weather."

And while this is all couched in "weather-ese," a language only slightly less intimidating and harder to understand than Mandarin (well, since there are millions of people who speak Mandarin and I'm not sure I know anyone who really understands "weather," maybe that's not quite accurate), about this time of year the gist of the analysis goes something like this:

"We don't really know and while we've built a lot of models and done all sorts of cool things with maps and satellites and other space stuff, we could still be wrong and it's pretty much a crap shoot and things could change but at this point, we're hope-hope-hoping that it's going to snow."

And since this analysis appears in an online forum that allows for feedback, the faintest glimmer of hope that we may get snow is greeted with the highest honor possible -- some sorts of a happy emojis.

Conversely, when that analysis proves that, while meteorology is a science, it's not an exact one, we get sad emojis, implying that our collective hearts are broken.

Well, not ALL our collective hearts. In fact, this outpouring of angst over our weather remaining fairly typical of this region leads me to ask a fundamental question that bears considering.

"Are you people insane?"

I mean, it's a fair query. Despite all the positive press and good PR to the contrary, snow is, well, just not a good thing. In fact, the very, very best thing you can say about it is that this is Northwest Arkansas, so even if it does happen, it won't last and probably won't extend beyond the yard.

Top it off with the fact that we really don't get a lot, and this obsession we have with the prospect of snow is sort of like dreaming of jumping off the high dive if you either have never done it or haven't done it in a while. You really don't know or don't remember how much you're not going to like it. Mostly because there's a good chance either thing is going to turn into a belly buster.

I know, I know. I sound like a curmudgeon. And it's possible I am. But a really good case for snow just has never ever been made for me. And any attempt at a case was rendered even more feeble by childhood memories of shoveling a tundra's worth off the driveway, just so we could drive to the store and discover they were out of milk and bread. And closed, because of the weather.

"But it's so pretty," people say. People who are indoors. Near a fire. And who don't have to go out in it, but are certainly entitled to their own take on things. And I'm sorry, that's an opinion I just haven't shared. Mostly because snow is, well, white. Lots and lots of white. Basically, all white. Which, if I remember my art class, makes it absent of color.

Sort of like going to a museum and deciding you're tired of the Monets. What you really want to stare at is the dry-erase board.

OK, OK, I get it. Snow is different. It's novel. It doesn't happen often, reminds you of your childhood when you'd go out and play (for about 15 minutes before coming back in to leave a pile of wet clothes right in front of the door) or whatever strange yearning for winter weather stirs in you. I mean, it's your thing. Who am I to judge?

But there is one little point I'd like to make. I no longer have skin in the game, but some of you still do. And that skin comes in the form of children. Loveable, happy, children. Who, thanks to the holiday break, have been at home with you for what seems like six months now.

As of this week, school is back in session across most of Northwest Arkansas. And the only thing that can interrupt that, could keep your little darling dumplings right by your side 24/7 (at least when they're not eating all the food or breaking things or creating those piles of wet clothes) is bad weather. Namely ... snow.

Yeah ... so, let's talk emojis now.

Commentary on 01/11/2019

Print Headline: Whose flaky idea was this?

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