Editor's note: Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz have discontinued Money Manners. This is their last column.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My elderly mother is misleading my siblings. Both of them live out of state, so I'm Mom's principal caretaker, even though I live 50 miles away. Mom's told them that I made her move into an expensive senior residence, though her doctor said it was no longer safe for her to live at home, and the residence is moderately priced. She's also told them that I forced her to buy no-load mutual funds and to stop investing with her longtime broker, who'd been churning her account and losing her money. She's even complained that I never visit, though I see her at least once a week. The list goes on and on, to the point that I worry my siblings may actually start to believe I'm mistreating her. And now Mom tells me that my sister has said maybe a social services agency should "look into what's happening." What's the best way to handle this situation?
-- Chris
DEAR CHRIS: Start by taking what your mother claims your sister said with a grain of salt. Presumably your siblings understand the situation and realize that your mother's complaints may well be driven by the frustrations and indignities of old age, not by any mistreatment on your part.
But if they don't -- if one or more of your siblings gets on your back -- tell them you've completed your rotation as caregiver, and it's time for one of them to step up. After all, there surely are doctors and senior residences where they live. (It's a convenient fiction in many families that only the child who currently lives nearest an elderly parent can look after him or her. Au contraire.) You need a break, and it won't hurt your siblings to learn firsthand how reliable your mother is as a reporter.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I have a problem with a doctor's bill. A while back I had a minor, but important, surgical procedure. The doctor did a masterful job, and I feel fortunate to have been referred to him. Unfortunately, I need to have the procedure repeated, and I want to return to him. The problem is, his office was woefully late in filing a claim with my insurer, and he was never paid for the first surgery (I made repeated calls to his office asking them to file). How should I handle this when I see him? Not mention it? Offer to pay the old bill? Or should I just find a new doctor?
-- M.H.
DEAR M.H.: The fact that your last bill went unpaid is not your fault and not your problem. You shouldn't bring it up, and neither should your doctor. But if he does, tell him how sorry you are that he wasn't paid and how hard you tried to get his office to file the claim in a timely fashion. If he appears to be resentful, find another doctor. If he isn't -- and he's a big boy, so he shouldn't be -- then you have yourself a surgeon.
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