Spin Cycle

Pass the royal ranch, walk Meghan down the aisle

Britain’s Prince William (from left), Kate the Duchess of Cambridge, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry arrive for the recent Commonwealth Service at London’s Westminster Abbey in uncommon fashion.
Britain’s Prince William (from left), Kate the Duchess of Cambridge, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry arrive for the recent Commonwealth Service at London’s Westminster Abbey in uncommon fashion.

In which Spin Cycle puts on its town crier outfit and bellows the latest in nobility news:

• This item about royal dressing has nothing to do with clothes. It has to do with, well, dressing -- salad dressing.

Hidden Valley Ranch, in a recent effort to celebrate National Ranch Day, created a $35,000 18-karat white-gold dressing bottle encrusted with diamonds and sapphires, inspired by Meghan Markle.

Said the company, Hidden Valley Ranch "commemorated this joyous occasion by creating a one-of-a-kind bottle to honor a fellow famous American, and remind her of the familiar flavors of her home country as she resides as royalty across the pond." The contest ends tomorrow, so there's still time to participate (see twitter.com/HVRanch for rules).

Let us win these karats!

Or at least, lettuce eat carrots. With ranch.

• Speaking of Markle, much speculation is being given as to who will walk the American actress down the aisle when she marries Prince Harry on May 19 at St. George's Chapel at Windsor Castle. It's being reported that Markle might not be inviting her father or brother to the wedding; while she's close to her mother, that might be too nontraditional. Some British outlets are reporting Harry's brother, Prince William, will give her away.

Hey, there's always Trevor Engelson. As Markle's ex-husband, he already gave her away once before.

• Though Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, is expecting her third child due next month, there's less interest in her belly and more on ... her fingers?

Recently the Daily Mail dedicated part of its front page and two inside pages to Kate's hands. "Why are Kate's fingers all the SAME length?" asked a headline by a closeup of her hand. A box is drawn around three fingers, excluding her pinkie and thumb, to prove their point ... which seems disputed by the fact not all fingers touch the box, but whatever. The paper sought out actual sources, including a palmistry expert ("Kate's middle finger should stand 2cm longer than the others. That it doesn't, indicated she has enormous sympathy with the outside. She's strongly geared towards the underdog") and a developmental biologist ("His studies show that if a foetus is exposed to high levels of oestrogen as it develops, the index finger and ring finger will end up about the same length.")

We, to borrow their spelling, find the whole thing "ludicr-oeus."

But when it comes to new angles for covering the royals, we've got to give the Daily Mail a hand.

Princess Eugenie, youngest daughter of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, and Sarah, Duchess of York, recently did something that no other royal has: launched an official personal Instagram account (@princesseugenie). And just that instantly, she has more Instagram followers than we ever will.

What's more, her first post was a video of her speaking at a charity event about scoliosis on International Women's Day: "I hope to use this platform to share the causes, passions and people close to my heart. #scoliosis #iwd2018 #weday #firstpost."

Eugenie most certainly has a spine.

• According to The Daily Star, Prince Charles has an interesting way of wrapping up mealtimes.

"Prince Charles SHOCK dinner table obsession involves DOGGIE BAGS," reads the headline of the story that continues, "He might be a Royal, a Prince and the next King -- but Charles still likes to wrap his leftover food to eat the next day."

This revelation comes from Catherine Mayer's tell-all Charles: The Heart of a King. In it, the prince's former private secretary says, "I've rarely met someone who is so frugal, not in the sense of meanness but an absolute allergy to waste, and in particular waste of food."

We think it's rather endearing and economical, but they seem to think Charles' eating habits are for the dogs.

• After an assassination attempt was made on newly crowned King Robert (who Prince Liam and his dethroned uncle Cyrus are teaming up against) it appeared that his bodyguard -- and sister Princess Eleanor's love interest -- Jasper might be dead! Will Queen Helena ever get her family and palace in order?

Oh wait, this isn't the real royals. It's E's tawdry The Royals (9 p.m. Sundays), finally back for its fourth season.

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Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture.

Style on 03/18/2018

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