DEAR ABBY: I'm 28 and have been dating my boyfriend, "Spencer," for 2 1/2 years. We have talked a lot about getting married. We know where we want it to be, who will be in our wedding party and what the theme will be.
A year ago we discussed getting engaged. Spencer said he'd propose "sometime within the next year" and last spring it seemed like he was working up the courage to do it. (He was talking about how happy he was and what he was seeing for our future). Then his best friend got his girlfriend pregnant and told Spencer he was thinking about proposing to her. After that, the idea of us getting married went on the back burner. Spencer stopped talking about us, and I think the reason was he didn't want to step on anyone's toes. (It's why he said he didn't want to get engaged when his sister was getting married.)
How do I bring up the subject without coming off as pushy or selfish? A lot of our friends are in committed relationships. If we put our lives on hold every time one of them gets engaged, we'll be waiting years before it's our turn and we can start a family. I'd appreciate any advice you might have. -- READY TO MOVE FORWARD
DEAR READY: Not knowing your boyfriend, I can't guess why you haven't received the official proposal. It's time to talk turkey with Spencer and ask him exactly why he seems to be stuck at the starting gate. It was considerate of him to postpone your engagement so it wouldn't distract from his sister's wedding plans. But for him to do it again because of his friend's impending fatherhood doesn't seem like a legitimate reason to me.
DEAR ABBY: I am a tween and I'm scared about getting a disease or sickness. It started when I watched the news one night last month waiting for a show to come on. The news had all these terrible crimes and diseases, and that's when I started freaking out. My friend says I'm crazy, and I'm afraid she's right. All this worrying has me really feeling out of it. What should I do to quit worrying about diseases? -- SOUTHERN GIRL
DEAR SOUTHERN GIRL: There's a saying in the news business, "If it bleeds, it leads." It means the more shocking a story is, the more attention it will grab and the more people will watch. Quieting your fears may be as simple as talking with your parents about what's scaring you, or having them schedule a visit with your pediatrician.
FRIDAY, JANUARY 19, 2018
DEAR ABBY by Abigail Van Buren
MAN COMES UP SHORT LEARNING HOW TO DATE IN HIGH SCHOOL
DEAR ABBY: At what point does a man finally give up hope of finding a mate and accept that he may end up alone?
I'm 29. I never had a chance to date in high school. My family farms, and when I was 14, my grandfather could no longer help my dad. Dad couldn't take care of things alone, so I would go out and help him the minute I got home from school every day. Between the farm work and keeping up with my studies, I had to grow up fast. I graduated with a 3.5 grade point average, but because I had no time for dating, this part of my development has always been off.
I have been set up by family and friends, tried meeting people in groups and on online dating sites. So far, it has been to no avail. My last actual date was two years ago. Friends tell me I'm a good guy, so I can't figure out what has gone wrong.
I never regretted helping my dad when he needed me, but I wish it hadn't come at such a steep social price. Am I doomed to a lonely life because I "did the right thing" when I was in high school? -- MIDWEST FARMER
DEAR FARMER: A quick online search would show you there are women who would be very interested in meeting someone like you. Go back online and start researching dating sites for farmers and ranchers. While I can't guarantee you'll meet your match, it would be a good place to start. I wish you the best and hope you will let me know I have guided you in the right direction.
DEAR ABBY: Recently, my friends threw me a party for my 34th birthday. A number of them brought their children (ages 2 to 6 years) to the Saturday afternoon event.
When I began opening my gifts, several of the children started throwing tantrums because they were not being given gifts. I thought this might be a good learning opportunity to gently teach the children that it was not their birthday, but someone else's special day. However, some of the parents began insisting that I let the crying (and by this point, screaming) children open my gifts(!). Instead, I stopped opening gifts, put all the presents up on a shelf and began serving cake and ice cream and handing out balloons and other party favors.
This satisfied some of the children, but others were still screaming. One of the parents then began berating me, saying that I was "the biggest child" for not "sharing." Needless to say, the party ended early and with some hurt feelings. Was I wrong to not allow small children to tear open my fragile and expensive birthday gifts? -- IT'S MY SPECIAL DAY
DEAR SPECIAL DAY: You did nothing wrong. The parents of the children who were throwing tantrums were wrong. They should have removed their offspring until they regained control of themselves rather than demand you allow their little angels to tear apart your packages. Your mistake was in not having an adults-only party, but after this experience, I'm sure it's one you won't be making again any time soon. Those parents owe you an apology.
NAN Profiles on 01/18/2018