GARY SMITH: Those unfamiliar ways

Millennials do things a little differently

This has been both a long time coming and, given my age, inevitable, but after much thought, I've concluded I don't understand millennials.

Before we get too far down the path, we need to take a moment to discuss this lack of understanding. It's not, despite the rather obvious implication, one of those "I don't get those long-haired kids and their blankety-blank rock n' roll music. And they need to stay off my lawn" deals.

I mean, yeah, I don't exactly get sleeve tattoos and skinny jeans, but I'm willing to accept I'm not exactly overqualified as an arbiter of taste. I do still have photos from my youth, and those were the unfortunate "leisure suit" years, so ... .

I am, however, aware that millennials value "experiences" over "things." They'd rather go on a trip around the world, for instance, than buy a house. The cynic among us might note they'd be a lot more interested in "things" if they had to actually pay for some of them, like video streaming services and their cell phones. But that would smack of "get off my lawn-ness" and is better expressed in private.

Speaking of cell phones, it seems members of my generation are digital "pioneers." We struck out boldly from the comfortable shores of landlines and rabbit ears toward the brave new world of watching tiny little ant-like figures play basketball on your phone just so you can do it from a coffee shop.

Now, our progeny are digital "natives," people who have grown up so accustomed to tech that it's become like an appendage to them. Exactly like an appendage. As in, indistinguishable from their hands. But that's more of that "off my lawn" stuff.

And then there are the dating rituals. You see, I remember dating, back when the lovely but not yet Mrs. Smith and I made plans to go to dinner or a movie or dinner and a movie (payday!). Back before we spent all our time texting each other asking what we want for carry-out and collapsing on the sofa to binge-watch "Prime Suspect."

Our relationships were like new houses, built step by pre-arranged step from the ground up, in logical if sometimes grueling order. Millennial relationships, however, are different in that they don't seem to actually go through the whole awkwardness of actually asking someone out.

Millennial "dating" is more like a chemical reaction. You put two somewhat similar things next to each other and, boom, you spontaneously have a new single thing. Except there's no explosion and the new thing spends all it's time "hanging out" in your TV room, eating all your food and reading dueling phones.

However, there is one area in which millennials go above and beyond the normal boundaries of above and beyondness. If that's even possible. When millennials do get around to asking someone to a big event, well, it's an event in itself.

Frame of reference: I asked my wife to marry me almost spontaneously in the press box of an American Legion baseball field, and then proceeded to cover the game. One of my contemporaries asked his wife of now many years to marry him on the dance floor of a party she was throwing for him. Later on, he found out she had thrown him the party to break up with him. Saved by 1980s disco music. How often has anyone ever said that?

I mention this because my experience has been that millennials put more thought, planning and expense into asking someone to the prom than we did into asking someone to spend life with us. Apparently we were collectively going with spontaneity. Of course, we were the generation that gave you the 2009 financial crisis and the Iraq war, so maybe we just don't think things through all that well.

I also mention it because my youngest daughter got engaged this past weekend to a wonderful young man who spent the requisite amount of time mapping out an elaborate proposal involving all their friends, a drive out to the lake and a photographer hidden in a pickup truck. I mean, you say that all together and it sounds like a spy novel. In actuality, it was a big-time "yes."

So, in reflection, maybe millennials aren't that different from their parents. You search for someone to love, you hope that person feels that same way and when the answer is "yes," the world opens up for you.

That I understand.

Commentary on 04/06/2018

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