Mothers, sons bond over service

BENTONVILLE — Sherri Esarte processed over coffee with a friend early this spring how her relationship with her teenage son was changing as he got further into high school.

“It’s all about the kids and then you hit this, to me it was almost like you hit this wall and all of the sudden it’s different,” the mother of a high school sophomore and an eighth-grader said about raising her boys. “It’s just them growing up but it’s like, ‘Oh crap, they don’t really want to spend time with me.’”

Esarte knew this was common between mothers and sons, but it was also a realization time with them was limited before post-high school life took them on new adventures.

“There were fewer opportunities where we did things together and have a conversation about it,” Esarte said.

Esarte’s friend suggested she look into the Young Men’s Service League, a national organization where mothers and sons engage in service projects and activities that give back to the community while enhancing their relationship.

Esarte got on the phone with the organization’s national president and co-founder Pam Rosener, who invited Esarte to a training in Dallas only a couple weeks after their conversation. Esarte went to the training with two other Northwest Arkansas moms, Wanda Meinhardt and Nicole Nolan.

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“They just bonded with their kids,” Meinhardt said of the women she met at the training. “When they (sons) get to that age, they’re into girls and driving and dad … This way we get to spend time with them. That part was really appealing to me.”

Meinhardt is the mother of twin boys, ages 15.

The women came back and founded the Ozark chapter of Young Men’s Service League, which now has 40 moms and 44 sons involved. Esarte is the chapter president and Meinhardt is the vice president of philanthropy.

It’s the organization’s first Arkansas chapter. The national league was founded in 2001. It had 6,283 moms and 6,689 boys in 75 chapters in 11 states as of August, according to information provided by local chapter leaders.

The organization is open to mothers and high-school age sons. The program requires a minimum of 20 hours of service throughout the year and participants can sign up for what fits their availability and interest. Hours served can also be tracked on the website.

The chapter is working with 17 community groups and nonprofit groups. Some activities are repeating while others are held on an as-needed basis of the organization, Meinhardt said.

Activities can include such activities as painting, yard work, assisting with special-needs children and playing bingo with the elderly.

“It depends on the organization and what their needs are,” Esarte said.

In addition to volunteering, the sons will have monthly meetings where they develop leadership skills and learn a variety of life skills from public speaking to budgeting to cooking and car maintenance. Mothers will also have meetings where they can network and connect, the Ozark chapter leaders said.

Tamara Mondello became interested in the league because it was a great opportunity to show her sons the importance of giving back to the community as well as spending meaningful time with them making memories, she said.

“As they get older, we don’t do that as much because they’d rather go hang with dad,” she said.

It’s common for boys in their adolescent years to gravitate toward their fathers, said Jeremy Stark, mental health professional with Ozark Guidance.

“It’s natural for them to be around other men or do things that other men are into to try to find themselves and who they are,” he said.

Teenage brains are trying to learn from experience but don’t have much life experience to learn from so they learn from those around them, Stark explained. While teenage boys are picking up cues from their fathers and other men in their lives about what it means to be a man, that doesn’t negate mothers still have much to offer their sons, he said.

Mondello’s sons — Alex, 14, and Austin, 15, initially weren’t too excited about joining, they said Saturday morning during a pause in their weeding work at Restoration Village, a nonprofit organization providing long-term housing to women and children in crisis.

Their hesitancy turned to excitement after the first meeting held a couple weeks ago, where they saw other boys their ages and learned more about the program.

“The more we thought about it, the better it became because we realized the benefits of volunteering” such as adding the experience to a college resume and the good feeling one gets by giving back, Austin Mondello said. “Helping out other people, it’s the right thing to do.”

The brothers said it’s also an opportunity to be with their mom and meet other people.

Restoration Village was the Mondellos’ first stop of a weekend of volunteering. They were also going to help at the Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter later Saturday and possibly play bingo with residents of Jamestown Nursing and Rehab on Sunday.

“I’m hoping that the boys will grow to love giving back,” Mondello said. “I want them to experience what its like to give to others without expecting anything in return.”

Membership dues vary depending on a few factors but are around $150 per mother/son pair. There are scholarships and sponsorships available so the membership dues should not be a deterrent for someone wanting to participate, the leaders said. Both the mother and son need to be involved.

Melissa Gute can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @NWAMelissa.