Every year there is a cliche pop culture Halloween costume.
In 2007, it was Paris Hilton in prison. In 2008, it was Sarah Palin. In 2009, it was Kate Gosselin and company. In 2010, Jersey Shore-style Bumpits and bogus tans were The Situation. In 2011, tiger's-blood-swilling high priest Vatican warlock assassins were "Winning!" thanks to Charlie Sheen.
In 2012 we "redneckognized" a lot of Halloweeners going as the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo bunch. In 2013, lots of trick-or-treaters were getting their ducks in a row to be the camouflage-clad, bushy-bearded good ol' boys of A&E's Duck Dynasty. In 2014, Frozen was cool and no one could "Let It Go." In 2015, it was tacky tie, between the Caitlyn Jenner ensemble, complete with Vanity Fair-esque bustier, and the Killer Dentist Costume, complete with a blood-stained jacket and Cecil the Lion's head. Last year the costume was the clown, thanks to all the creepy supposed sightings around the country. We were over it, long before It was released last month.
We at Spin Cycle think we can do better. Oh, wait, Halloween is the same day Netflix releases the next season of Stranger Things? We think we'll make like Eleven, hiding at home, avoiding speaking and eating Eggo waffles.
But we think you can do better. Here are some ideas:
What you need: To rotate round in a circle while squirming, wiggling and twitching.
Who you are: A fidget spinner.
What you need: A crown. Two little kids. A mostly flat stomach under a designer dress. A British accent when continually excusing yourself to the lavatory.
Who you are: A morning-sick Kate Middleton who is pregnant and still looks perfectly elegant. How royally annoying!
What you need: Red hair. A British accent. A guitar in one hand, a cast on the other. Millions of dollars, though you are too stubborn/cheap to call for a limo or an Uber.
Who you are: Singer Ed Sheeran who injured himself on his bike.
What you need: Some dollar bills that you quietly pass out. (Extra credit: A redneck woman -- but don't let her hear you call her that! -- who keeps disappearing to go get "lemondade.")
Who you are: Jason Bateman's money-laundering character Marty Byrde in Netflix's Ozark.
What you need: A deposit slip. A check for $2 million. Directions for your driver to take you to someplace called a -- sound it out -- a baaaaaaannnnnnk.
Who you are: Media mogul Oprah Winfrey who recently visited a bank for the first time in 29 years. For something fun to do.
What you need: Pregnancy bellies for you and your friends.
Who you are: The Kardashians. You are Kylie, Khloe or kinda-sorta Kim (expecting via surrogate). Or matriarch Kris. She's not actually pregnant, but her bottom line is swelling thanks to all these new employees being birthed.
What you need: Dark clothing, makeup and lipstick. A bunch of snakes (fake OK).
Who you are: Vengeful rockerish recently reptile-obsessed Taylor "Look What You Made Me Do" Swift. Or Medusa. Both have the ability to scare men off screaming.
What you need: Grammy awards. A guitar. Rolling papers. Handcuffs.
Who you are: Singer and medical marijuana advocate Melissa Etheridge who was charged with possession of a controlled substance when traveling on her tour bus to North Dakota from Canada. Border Patrol apparently listened when she sang, "Come to My Window."
What you need: A partner of the opposite sex, denim, a toolbox, some shiplap. (Extra credit: Four kids and a bunch of farm animals.)
Who you are: Joanna and Chip Gaines of HGTV's Fixer Upper. Just as they announced they're leaving the show when it's highly successful, you should plan to leave the party when it's in full swing.
Fix up an email:
Spin Cycle is a smirk at pop culture. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30 to 9 a.m. Monday through Friday.
Style on 10/22/2017