Black Friday and Small Business Saturday are now behind us. Exhausted Sunday is today. Cyber Monday looms. You're still wondering what to get the proverbial Person Who Has Everything and is Subject To Forgetfully Re-Gift Your Gift Back to You.
We're here to help with our somewhat annual Christmas Gift Guide of online, offbeat items. Just Google these for retailers and prices.
• Game of Phones
"Your smartphone already sits on the table while you're out to brunch, it lays next to you on the couch while you watch reruns and scroll through texts -- you might as well give it the official party invite," says the advertising copy on one site. Your phone, which already serves as everything else in your life, can also be the instrument of a scavenger hunt between you and your cohorts. How does it work? "Draw a prompt card, and see who can use their phones the fastest to create an emoji masterpiece, show off the last photo you took, or find the weirdest Google Image result for your name." This leads us to wonder if there might be a much-needed Game of Phones: Find my Cellphone edition.
• Disco Ball Motorcycle Helmet
"The three-fourths Shell Disco Ball Helmet is what you Saturday Night Fever fans have all been waiting for since 1977," trumpets one website on which this thing can be found for a mere $305.99. No, there's no stated guarantee that you won't cause an accident by blinding other motorists when the sun hits your helmet. By the way, if this price is too steep, another site has a handcrafted version for much less: $195, made from mirror tiles, spikes and rhinestones.
• Yoga Joes
Um, remember those combat-ready plastic army guys you played with as a child? Thanks to maker Dan Abramson, these figurines now make "Ohm," not war, assuming such basic yoga poses as Meditation Pose, Downward-facing Dog, Headstand and (naturally) Warrior One and Warrior Two. These also come not only in green, but purple and pink. And, there's a set that does advanced poses such as the Firefly, Advanced Side Plank, Scorpion, Peacock and King Pigeon. Wonder what that vintage Talking GI Joe Action Figure would say? "We must hold this position. Dig in"?
• "Specialty" Breath Sprays
Remember, January will be here soon. Your couch-potato-ing, "I resolve to exercise in the New Year"-spouting recipient may appreciate the Instantly Enjoy Exercising Breath Spray, which depicts a smiling, '70s-looking couple and includes the copy: "Just one quick spritz scrambles your brain so completely you'll even enjoy: waiting in traffic jams! Eating broccoli! And going to the dentist! Perhaps your giftee is a cat lover who wants to bond more closely with the felines. Get her the Talk With Your Cat Breath Spray. For the giftee who's tempted to call in sick Every. Single. Day., there's Enjoy Your Job breath spray. Other specialty sprays include Understand Men (we're still trying to locate Understand Women) and Instant British Accent. We hope these sprays will soon be followed up by others. Our suggestions: Fix Your Computer Issues, Fix Your Car, Understand the Tax Code and Get a Raise.
• The World's Largest Scrabble Game
Got a cool $12,000 to spend on your Scrabble-game-loving gift recipient? This wall-hanging monolith is more than 49 feet square and handmade by mixed-media artist John Kahn from Russian birch plywood. It has two big tile racks, grooved and lined with felt, each accepting 50 of the included 100 big, magnetic tiles. Oh wait; we get it. You're too much a cheapskate to pay this good price for a gift for your Scrabble-loving gift recipient. OK, how about this, advertised for $29.95: the Walk By Scrabble Board, also wall mounted and based on the honors system. A tin surface keeps the 100 magnetic tiles in place. "Players can make a move whenever they walk by, and they store their letters on metal strips that hang from the board's base." Ah, perfect for those commitmentphobes who engage in casual Scrabble.
• Facebook shower curtain
Got that friend, the one for whom all the social-media websites are places of worship? Also known as the "social shower curtain," this gem leaves a transparent window to show off the showering person, a la profile photo. It apparently, however, does not generate likes. A secretly-snapped photo of your gift recipient showering behind the curtain and posted on social media just might, however.
Christmas email, won't you hand it here:
Style on 11/26/2017