Do you hear what I hear? (Do you hear what I hear?)
Silver bellllllls, silver bellllllls. It's Christmas tiiiiime in the cityyyyy!
Only it's not Christmas time! It's Nov. 14! It's not even Thanksgiving! And -- hark! -- the herald angels sing already.
Sirius XM's stations like Holly and Holiday Traditions began jingle-ing-ring-ting tingle-ing too on Nov. 1 -- before even the good Halloween candy was gone.
And some retailers already let the sleigh bells riiiiing -- are ya listening? -- earlier than that.
According to a recent story from the Tampa Bay Times, stores like Sears, Michaels and Lane Bryant cranked the Christmas tunes Nov. 1. Ulta came a-wassailing Nov. 5. Belk and H&M began parum-pum-pum-pum-ing on Nov. 9. Office Depot went thumpety-thump-thump on Nov. 11. Wal-Mart fa-la-la-la-la-lowed just yesterday.
Joining in the reindeer games this week: Verizon Wireless on Thursday and Staples on Saturday.
No one, however, was as early as Best Buy, which began ring-a-liiiiiing-hear-them-siiiiiing-ing Oct. 22.
If that seems premature, consider another fact from the same Times story: "According to industry news site Radio Insite, the nation's first station of 2017 to flip to all Christmas, all the time was New Jersey's Easy 93.1, which has been jingle bell rocking since Oct. 20."
The overwhelming combination of Christmas creep and Yuletide earworms is enough to make many of us want to deck something -- and not necessarily the halls with boughs of holly.
A British clinical psychologist whose name is Linda Blair (not the one from The Exorcist; though she likely needed a clinical psychologist) says Grinchyness is to be expected.
She spoke to UK television station Sky News and said holiday tunes tinker with our well-being.
"Music goes right to our emotions immediately and it bypasses rationality," she said. "Christmas music is likely to irritate people if it's played too loudly and too early. It might make us feel that we're trapped -- it's a reminder that we have to buy presents, cater for people, organize celebrations."
"The Twelve Days of Christmas" plays and we think of the 112 things on our to-do list. Make that 113. Need to go to the grocery store because those eight maids a-milking are always no-shows.
We hear "I'll Be Home for Christmas" and remember that -- holy middle seat! -- we still haven't bought our plane tickets.
We hear "Silver Bells" and remember there is flatware to polish.
We hear "Let It Snow" and think we never had the furnace inspected or changed the air filters. Um, last winter either.
We hear that "White Christmas" line about "with every Christmas card I write" and think, "Yeah ... right!"
We hear "All I Want for Christmas Is You" and think it's time for gastric sleeve surgery, which singer Mariah Carey is rumored to have undergone. Speaking of sleeve, pass the crackers and cheeseball.
We hear the "chestnuts roasting" line of "The Christmas Song" and worry that we never got the chimney cleaned ... the past three years or maybe decades. And then we hear the "dressed up like Eskimos" line and realize we still haven't made the change-of-season closet conversion.
We hear "God Rest You Merry Gentlemen," and think "Oh, sure, the guys get to sleep. Meanwhile we women have got to cook and clean and bake and orchestrate gatherings and iron tablecloths and pick out and wrap and ship the perfect, personalized budget-friendly presents -- and deal with the stupid elfing Elf on the Shelf."
We hear the "prepare him room" line in "Joy to the World," and remember the guest room is a total disaster.
We hear "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," skip right over the good tidings and begin worrying about the happy New Year. We've made no reservations yet!
"Silent Night?" We wish!
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What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood.
Style on 11/14/2017