Wish I could say I feel sympathy for the alleged speed-trap community of Damascus after a circuit judge dismissed its request to temporarily allow its team of ticket-writing police to continue patrolling highways, including U.S. 65, through the heart of town.
The judge ruled the city wasn't being harmed by Prosecutor Cody Hiland's order that the town police stop patrolling and ticketing (I prefer "harassing") poor motorists passing through this burg of fewer than 400 straddling the Van Buren and Faulkner County line.
The court said Damascus shouldn't worry its town will suffer from a speeding crime wave since two separate sheriff's offices and the Arkansas State Police plan to patrol the roads.
My concern is that these three agencies might not be enough to rake in anywhere near the reported $2.5 million in fines and fees collected since 2010 from motorists ticketed by Damascus police for speeding or unsafe driving.
That will leave one heck of an shortfall in that community's budget. What happens without Damascus raking in that cash? Perhaps quadruple the town's water rates?
And what of the police on the payroll and their shiny new cruisers who are bound to have plenty of idle time on their hands since their citation-writin', crimebustin' rodeo has slammed into this legal roadblock? Got any stray animals wandering the city streets?
Rats in the cradle
I've not heard a more gruesome story than that of the 2-week-old baby girl who was, police say, gnawed by rats as she lay in a bassinet in her Magnolia home screaming in pain.
The child reportedly was bitten somewhere between 75 and 100 times, including an inch-wide wound in her forehead that exposed her skull. Bloody rat footprints were found in the crib and on her clothing.
She was treated at Arkansas Children's Hospital by physicians who had to do reconstructive surgery on the open head wound and treat the other bites on her fingers and elsewhere.
The teenage mother and father, who claimed they had put their daughter to bed only to arise to the baby's agonizing screams, were charged with various felony counts of child endangerment and abuse of a child.
If found guilty, they could face up to 20 years in prison.
Unhealthy seniors
The United Health Foundation's fifth annual report on senior population health at the state and national levels shows Arkansas ranks 46th for the overall health of its senior citizens.
That's lousy, but still an improvement of one whole place compared with last year. "Although Arkansas is in the bottom five states, it represents the greatest opportunities for improvement," the foundation reports. How wonderful.
I'll list the positives first. There's been a 26 percent increase in health screenings since 2014, as well as a low prevalence of excessive alcohol consumption (fourth nationally), and a low percentage of those using hospitals' intensive care units.
The negatives were no surprise to me. We've had a 15 percent increase in senior obesity in the past three years (just look around you, folks), undoubtedly bolstered by a "high prevalence" of physical inactivity. We are No. 47 for that.
Additionally, we are ranked 45th in the number of senior smokers and 50th in the rate of food insecurity, according to United Health.
We can, no, we must do better than this, friends.
Deodorant dilemma
Checking out of a local downtown Dollar General store, I overheard manager Glenda Will mumbling about placing a can of deodorant near the register and clearly marking it: "For Court."
I asked why. She motioned toward the nearby courthouse.
"A fella was just in an aisle spraying himself with a can of deodorant. When I told him that wasn't fair to any customer who'd be expecting a full can, he explained he was doing it to cover up the tobacco smoke before heading for court."
"He said he only had a dollar and handed it to me as payment," she said. "I handed him the can. He didn't want to take it. But I told him he'd paid for it so now he could spray to his heart's content."
Glenda said it's not unusual for customers to spray with deodorant before court. "We're so close and they find it handy to make a stop here. So I'm thinking about buying a can marked 'for court only' and keeping it at the front. Maybe that'll help stop it."
I suspect one can find these deodorant desperadoes spraying themselves in stores everywhere.
Leaving, I glanced toward the deodorant aisle and saw a woman who, wouldn't ya just know, was holding a can above her head.
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Mike Masterson's column appears regularly in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Email him at [email protected].
Editorial on 05/28/2017