'Be All That You Can Be'

Terry Holdbrooks Jr. grew up in a home of substance abuse and neglect. And his story of his conversion to Islam is set in what he referred to as "one of the worst places humanity has to offer."

But Holdbrooks, wearing the traditional, modest thobe tunic and pants of a devout Muslim, was joyful as he asked to say isha (or evening) prayers before his recent presentation last month at the Bentonville Islamic Center.

Holdbrooks was born in July 1983 in Phoenix. His mother was 17; his father 18 and in prison for possession of marijuana, the convert began his tale.

"I'm not meaning to put my parents down, but neither was prepared to be a parent," Holdbrooks related. "They did not know how to show love or even that they cared."

At age 7, he went to live with his grandparents, and there he got his first introduction to religion. One grandparent was Protestant, the other Catholic.

"They could not agree on which version of the church they wanted," Holdbrooks said. "But they did teach me to treat people with respect and ask questions to learn."

'WE DON'T NEED YOU'

When the terrorists unleashed their attacks on the United States on Sept. 11, 2001, Holdbrooks, then 18, found himself living on his own, working a minimum-wage, fast-food job and feeling like he was stagnating in life.

"I was worried I'd end up like my parents," he said. "I was staying up all night and drunk driving. I wanted to be more than my parents."

Then he saw it: a late-night television commercial urging him to "Be all that you can be" in the Army.

Holdbrooks's first trip to the recruiter in the mall was unsuccessful. He admitted his sleeve tattoos and multiple piercings probably gave the recruiter "confirmation that I was a bad investment."

"The recruiter asked me, 'What do you want to do in the Army?'" Holdbrooks related. "At that point, all I knew about the Army was the G.I. Joe cartoon. I told him, 'I want to kill people and get paid for it.' He said, 'We still don't need you.'"

Holdbrooks cleaned up his appearance, and on his fourth trip to the mall, the recruiter took him seriously. When determining what role he would play in the Army, the recruit asked for a job with bonus money. It was determined he could serve as an MP, a member of the military police.

"I had no family legacy to defend the country," Holdbrooks said. "I was in it for my own self-interests. I wanted more money for college and to grow up and mature."

Holdbrooks' troubled background no doubt explains his words of irreverence and disillusionment with the Army. But he was given a very tough assignment: a guard at GTMO, the Guantanamo Bay detention camp, a U.S. military prison located within Guantanamo Bay Naval Base in Cuba. Holdbrooks would guard detainees in the "war on terror."

Holdbrooks said his training was inadequate -- so much so, he alleged, that the prisoners had to tell the new guards how and when to use the shackles and how to search the showers and the laundry. They were given no introduction to the Arabic language or the Islamic culture other than a message of hate, he said.

The final session of Holdbrooks' training included a trip to Ground Zero in New York City. The lessons expressed that day amounted to "These men hate you because you have democracy, liberty and Christianity. The only thing on their minds is to spill your blood. Never forget the 3,000 men, women and children who were murdered. We did not start this war, but we will end this war," Holdbrooks quoted.

GTMO

"I thought, who are these people that can scare Americans, bring America to its knees?" he continued. "I thought they must be 7 feet tall, with muscles and beards, riding horses and brandishing swords. I imagined they all would look like Charlton Heston.

"What I found instead were 780 Muslims, from 46 different countries, speaking 18 languages."

One of the most-feared turned out to be a 5-foot tall, 100-pound detainee from Mozambique -- and Holdbrooks' mentor and friend.

In fact, Holdbrooks found the detainees to be intelligent and well-spoken. He tried to treat them with respect, tried to help their situation when he could -- earning himself scrutiny and bullying from his fellow soldiers, he said, but returned respect from the prisoners.

"But orders were given and had to be executed," Holdbrooks said. In addition to working daily with prisoners in their cells, he was assigned to escort prisoners for interrogation.

"I was in camp eight hours a day, and it was absolute misery," he said. "Allah never created a single human who would want to wake up and torture another human being. I heard adults, grown men, scream. It even felt wrong."

By the second month on the base, most of the men in his unit were alcoholics, Holdbrooks said. He drank a bottle of vodka every night so he could sleep. He went to his superiors asking for another assignment. He contemplated suicide.

"But then I noticed: The prisoners are not as miserable as I am -- and they didn't go home at night and drink," Holdbrooks said. "The prisoners were burned [by the sun] from sunrise to sunset, living in nothing more than cages. But they were still smiling. They were keeping each other alive and jubilant, but knowing they would never go home.

"How do these men get up each day and pray?" he wondered.

TEST

Holdbrooks' gregarious nature and thirst for discovery led him to learn elemental phrases in Arabic and to talk to the prisoners who spoke English.

Finally, that Mozambique Muslim explained. "'God cares about us,'" Holdbrooks repeated. "He said Allah was testing his being and faith. This is just a test of his creator. He said, 'What ever you have to bring, bring it on. I can take it.'"

"Everything in your belief structure comes crashing down real fast," Holdbrooks continued. "I realized there was a lot more to Islam than the Army education system. I began to ask questions of detainees -- they would not offer. But they would answer and go on about their day. They never once told me to 'Burn in hell.'"

At one point, the prisoner surreptitiously gave his copy of the Quran to Holdbrooks, who quickly hid it in his shirt and then under his bed at home. But Holdbrooks started to read that Quran.

"I finished on the fourth day," he said. "I had looked into many religions, read many religious texts -- including the Torah and the Bible. This was the easiest, simplest religion -- but I'd never heard of it.

"It was an instruction manual for life. It was not mystical or confusing. Why didn't somebody tell me about a religion like this?"

Holdbrooks said he considered history. "The greatest killers of mankind were done so in the name of God. But if [the Muslims] knew of the compassionate and merciful creation, how could they be killing each other?"

And the prisoner told him there had been a group of Muslims lived under worse conditions than the detainees at GTMO. The Prophet Muhammad and his followers were persecuted and fled Mecca as he tried to share Allah's message with the Arabs.

PRECIOUS TREASURE

Holdbrooks began to have long, in-depth, thought-provoking conversations with the Muslim prisoners. He researched Arabic and Islam at night on the internet.

Holdbrooks decided to take Islam on a "test drive," he said. He quit drinking, playing violent video games, got more exercise ...

"My life felt better," he said.

"I wanted to be a Muslim -- but I wasn't recruited," Holdbrooks said. He told the prisoner who had shared the Quran, but the prisoner told him "No."

"He said, 'Do you realize you have an American flag on your shoulder?'" Holdbrooks related the prisoner's message. "'If you become a Muslim, the entire country will look at you differently. Your fellow soldiers, your wife, your immediate family will look at you differently.

"'Stopping drinking, changing your character, changing your speech -- that's not what makes you a Muslim. Do you know what you are getting yourself into? Why do you want to be a Muslim?'"

The two men spoke intensely for three hours about Islam through the bars and fencing of the cell. "[The prisoner] realized he had a precious treasure in his hands, and he wanted to make it clear that no one could share it unless he had a worthy intention and a commitment to keep the treasure safe," Holdbrooks noted.

"'If you are sure you want to do this, I will tell you how to say the shahada, and you will be a Muslim, but there is no turning back after this,'" the prisoner said. "'Once you have accepted Allah in your heart, and submitted to his will, you will surely be condemned if you abandon him. Do you understand?'"

Holdbrooks smuggled an index card and a pen to his Islamic mentor, who wrote on it the shahada and its English translation. "Say it, and mean it, and you will be Muslim."

Through the shahada, Muslims profess their faith to God and only one God, the same God of Christians and Jews worship, although Muslims say his name in Arabic: Allah.

Holdbrooks learned the shahada, studied the shahada, believed the shahada and recited the shahada -- in Arabic -- for the prisoner and another they had awoken. "On like the 18th time, they believed me," Holdbrooks said.

"Allahu Akbar (Allah is the greatest)," the prisoners responded. "Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah)."

His faith now stronger than his fear of his fellow soldiers, Holdbrooks said, he began participating when daily prayers were called, and he continued his study, his conversations and his kindness to the prisoners.

Holdbrooks left Guantamo six months later.

LIFE'S PURPOSE

That was 13 years ago. Today, Holdbrooks is traveling this country, sharing his story as part of a fundraising presentation for the Muslim Legal Fund of America, the Islamic community's answer to the ACLU, the NAACP and the Southern Justice League, protecting the civil rights of Muslims.

Anwar Taufique, outreach director for the Muslim defense fund who also spoke in Bentonville, first met Holdbrooks in the Tempe, Ariz., mosque, where Holdbrooks worshipped after his military service. A friendship formed.

"His story is amazing," Taufique said. "I'm a born Muslim, and I know how difficult it would be to become a Muslim from some other religion -- or even, like him, an atheist."

Taufique agreed it is the easiest religion to follow and that practice and understanding can help Muslims even through times of fasting. "It's the religion of nature," he said. "It's part of our nature. It is our temptation that pulls us away."

Holdbrooks' life seems to have led him to look for hypocrisy in establishments such as religion and the military. But he has embraced Islam, Taufique said.

"He was looking for the purpose of life," Taufique said of Holdbrooks. "He was looking for the true message of living -- in one of the worst places in the world."

Muslims have five practices -- called pillars -- which they are obligated to satisfy to live a good and and responsible life, according to Islamic teachings.

"The five pillars are for our own good," Taufique said. "So we have a purpose, so we are content and at peace."

One of the pillars is prayer five times a day. Thursday, Taufique was traveling and reached his hotel room just after 6 p.m. Although the rules for prayer are relaxed when a Muslim is traveling, Taufique's first priority was to cleanse himself and pray, he said.

"I am not satisfied or content until I demonstrate my faith through prayer."

Taufique pointed out that Islam is a struggle with oneself, as the faithful tries to attain a state of beautiful living, tries to better that self only for God's pleasure. There should be no judging others, Taufique said. The relationship is between God and the individual. "We are to see the person inside."

"If you see the beauty that Islam is, and see past the representations that it's not, no one will care what country you came from," Holdbrooks said.

NAN Religion on 05/13/2017