I got a new pair of hearing aids the other day. Apparently, like hearing itself, aids don't get better with age. And, adding to the sense of urgency, I lost one of my old pair, so unless I wanted to spin around and around trying to get my "good" ear pointed toward the verbal action, getting a new set was pretty much a must.
Now, either the new pair is a lot better than the old one or time has just taken its toll on both man and the tiny machine, but I've noticed just how much more I can hear. Also, I've noticed just how much I, well, notice. Like how that ice machine actually makes a lot of noise. And people often speak to you at times other than when they're facing you. And I've also noticed I have a little lisp.
Yes, I know. Kind of hard to believe that, even with previous amplification, I couldn't hear my own voice well enough to know what I sounded like. Either that or I have to admit I don't even listen to me when I talk. Not sure which is worse.
This lisp of mine is not a significant one. I mean, I'm not going full-on Elmer Fudd here. Just a little bit of a hiss at the end of most of my sentences that I hadn't picked up on previously. Which would lead me to believe that either this is a recent development, I really was even more deaf than I thought or I am, easily, the single-most oblivious person in the world. I'm going to go with a combination of all three.
Just to confirm, I asked the Lovely Mrs. Smith if she had noticed the quirk. Which, of course, she had. I mean, I've often complemented her on how "observant" she is. No, really, those were compliments.
Anyway, she acknowledged that, yes, in fact, she had picked up on the trait, which she described as sounding like my tongue was too big for my mouth. Which I'm going to contend is not a nice way of saying I was too big for my britches. Or something like that.
I asked her why she hadn't said anything about it, and she remarked she had. So, chalk one up for the deafness. Because I would never not pay attention to anything the Lovely Mrs. Smith says.
So, now I know I have a slight speech issue which, while it doesn't appear to be particularly debilitating, is undoubtedly easily fixed. Probably even has an official medical name like "Tongue Too Big For Your Mouth Syndrome." OK, yeah, sounds better in Latin.
Also I know one more thing about my lisp: While it's probably very possible to correct it, I'm not going to.
No, this is not a principled stand against conformity and rejection of norms that say I should try to sound "like everyone else" (or at least the everyone elses who don't lisp slightly). It's just that, basically, I don't want to mess with it.
I've reached the point in life where the desire to correct any flaws is weighed in the scales against the effort it would take to do so. And, likely as not, if it's not terminal, it's found wanting.
And it also joins a long list of things I could be fixing or improving or spending my time doing that I'm, well, not actually spending my time doing. Like learning to play the piano or speak Mandarin or become a master chef.
Not that all those things aren't worthwhile or that self-improvement at any age isn't a good thing. It's just that at some point, your attitude goes from "if it ain't broke, don't fix it," to "OK, so just how broke is it and what are the possible ramifications of putting effort into fixing it versus sitting on the sofa watching the Cardinals?"
OK, so I'm not giving up entirely here. It's just that at some point you go from offense to defense. You wear sunscreen not because you want your skin to appear youthful and glowing, but because you don't want someone to have to remove your nose.
You exercise not to get a beach body but because neither your alma mater nor the Razorbacks have won a national championship in a while and you'd like to stick around to see it happen.
At some point, you fix what you have to and learn to live with what you can't. And if that doesn't work, I can always fall back on the one thing guaranteed to keep me from worrying about the way I sound.
I can always turn off the hearing aids.
Commentary on 05/05/2017