Family. I've been thinking a lot about the concept lately with the birth on March 18 of Gordon's first grandchild.
I was an only child and lost touch with all my cousins when my parents divorced. Even the Little Queen isn't mine by blood. So I have chosen people and been chosen by them over the years. And I think I wound up with THE BEST family in the world.
Trying to explain it all, though, is sort of like reciting all the "begats" in the Bible.
Through the Society for Creative Anachronism -- a medieval re-creationist group I played in while still living in Kansas -- I met a boy from Pettigrew, Ark., and we got married. So the SCA begat Dan and through him, gave me incredible parents that I couldn't have loved more. And Dan and I begat Amanda, adopted when she was almost 3 years old. And I felt wonderfully blessed.
But then, something weird happened. Dan and I divorced. And instead of losing family, I gained a sister-in-law -- Dan's wife, Carla -- who came with a son, a daughter and three grandchildren -- meaning I got a nephew, a niece, two great-nieces and a great-nephew. (Carla told two of the kids the other day that "Aunt Becca" wasn't really related to them. She said they were completely bemused and said it simply couldn't be true.) And, as time passed and hearts healed, Dan became my big brother and the anchor that always brings me safely home.
But the SCA also begat fellow Kansans Susannah and Valens -- yes, they have modern names; no, I never use them -- and she became my sister, he my brother-in-law. I also met Fionna, who lived down the street from Dan, and we remained friends until the SCA returns to this tale -- about three or four paragraphs from here.
In the meantime, I became a journalist in Northwest Arkansas and my work begat a whole 'nother slew of family -- Laurinda Joenks, at whose wedding I took candid photos several decades ago; Abby Burnett, who was a columnist for the paper and became a sister and another rock in times of trouble; interns like Antoinette Grajeda who remained in my life as family; and "sources" -- people I've written about forever like Harry and Kathi Blundell, Susan Young, Zeek Taylor, Janet Alexander, Ed and Kathy McClure -- all of whom are more than just extras in this story.
Around the turn of the 21st century, through an Ozarks StageWorks play titled "Emma," I also met a teenager named Matt, invited him home and fed him. He brought a dozen of his friends, and Dan and I gained a houseful of teenagers that we helped raise. Those kids, who are now in their 30s, still make me smile every day as adults -- teaching, making art, raising beautiful children, making music, living their own particular American dreams. And even though they're not constantly on my screened-in porch these days, they're always in my heart and thoughts -- just like any mama.
"The Boys in Black" also begat a man named Jason, and we dated for several years after my divorce. Through him, I gained three little sisters -- one of them only 2 years old at the time -- and later, his current girlfriend, whom I have come to love dearly. Through our time in the SCA -- and that longtime friendship with Fionna -- I also met the sister of my heart. Pam and I were both Fionna's proteges -- medieval students for want of a longer explanation -- and I simply don't see how blood could make me love her more.
Then, of course, you know all about Larry. Through him, I gained a stepdaughter and two nearly grown grandkids who make me really proud.
More recently -- in May two years ago -- I accompanied Susannah to an SCA event near Russellville, where a stranger plied us with chocolate-covered bacon and strawberries with toasted marshmallow. (I told you the SCA would return to the story several times!) I can honestly say that dark and stormy night changed my life again, begatting a new raft of family in Little Rock and a new love -- for fencing -- which makes me happier than I can say. Now I have friends in two kingdoms, Calontir and Gleann Abhann, and I am so delighted and so fortunate to call them cousins.
And then, there's Gordon. We met after we had both been widowed, and we decided we'd like to continue our journey together. That relationship begat a whole new batch of kids in my life -- his two daughters and their husbands -- and now a granddaughter who just melts my heart.
Watching Gordon's daughters last weekend as one welcomed her first daughter and the other a niece, I wondered what that bond by blood feels like. But I don't see how it could be better than this family created by love and loss and tears and laughter and challenges and successes. Blood runs only through the veins. Love runs through the heart and makes it whole.
Becca Martin-Brown is an award-winning columnist and Features editor for the Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Email her at [email protected].
NAN Profiles on 03/26/2017