What's in a Dame

Cuff link: Internet on the go

Levi’s high-tech Commuter Trucker Jacket will be available by fall. Project Jacquard
Levi’s high-tech Commuter Trucker Jacket will be available by fall. Project Jacquard

It's the next big thing in fashion: actual smarty pants!

Expect to see high-tech garments -- the clothing is the world's answer to smart accessories like the Apple Watch -- in the marketplace by year's end.

According to a story by the San Jose Mercury News, visitors to the recent South by Southwest festival in Austin, Texas, got a peek at such a "smart jacket" -- the first creation of Project Jacquard. The collaboration between Levi's and Google's Advanced Technology and Projects group is working to incorporate the internet into clothes.

This advanced Levi's Commuter Trucker Jacket, available sometime this fall, will come with a removable Bluetooth tag that "wirelessly connects your smartphone to the conductive yarns woven into the cuff, allowing you to use your sleeve to send signals to your phone."

Project Jacquard has released a 51-second video to showcase the deceptively simple-looking dark denim jacket's skill. As an actor rides his bike, he's able to touch his left sleeve to get directions, play music and screen calls.

He's doing this while cycling ... through busy city traffic ... while wearing slim-fit, restrictive-looking dark clothing (with nothing reflective on the jacket) ... while wearing earbuds limiting his ability to hear ... without wearing a protective helmet ... and without any use of directional hand-signals (his hands are kept busy after all: one has to steer the bike while one taps at his sleeve). And then he uses the jacket's cutting-edge capabilities to dismiss a call from his boss (the one paying him a salary so he can afford things like phone service and smart jackets).

Doofus. The jacket might be smart, but he's not.

All we can tell the jacket does is allow one to navigate, listen to tunes and manage calls -- features that a voice-activated digital assistant like Siri already can handle. According to Levi's site, "Over time additional features will be added to further make this jacket your co-pilot for life, on or off your bike."

Maybe it's because I live a decidedly off-bike life, but I'm not that impressed with the internet-ready smart jacket. Here's what I think would make a jacket really intelligent:

• It would go with absolutely everything. Jean jackets go with ... jeans.

• It would be truly all-weather. Even all-Arkansas-weather.

• It would be made to look sleek but with plenty of hidden stretch, so it could move with you ... and your ever-fluctuating weight.

• It would be indestructible, repelling all stains, rips and acid-wash (1985 called ... and even it doesn't want that trend back).

• It would have lots of pockets (but interior ones; cargo pockets add bulk) for one's essentials -- phone, cash, keys, mints and 382 lip glosses that we swear are different but all look the same.

• It would not allow itself to be lost/stolen. It would sound an alarm -- like the loudest, most dreadful dial-up connection -- if you tried to walk off without it. Or if someone else tried to walk off with it.

• It would be self-cleaning. Which reminds us, can this smart jacket even be washed? Yes. And in an actual washer with water and detergent. But wait! Make sure to take the Bluetooth tag off prior to laundering (the smart jacket isn't smart enough to do that by itself) or you'll feel really dumb when it's all washed up.

• It would be affordable. What is the cost of this smart jacket? It's -- gulp -- $350! No wonder that guy in the commercial is on a bike. After splurging on the smart jacket, he can't afford his car note, insurance and gas.

Have your smart device email:

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What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30-9 a.m. Monday through Friday.

Style on 03/21/2017

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