Otus the Head Cat

We'll take a little off the top, you won't feel a thing

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke (left) joins other officials Monday as they prepare to move the Louisiana Purchase survey marker. The correction means a strip of northern Arkansas will shift to Missouri.Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday.
Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke (left) joins other officials Monday as they prepare to move the Louisiana Purchase survey marker. The correction means a strip of northern Arkansas will shift to Missouri.Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday.

Dear Otus,

I thought that silliness about redrawing Arkansas' northern border had been settled long ago. Now I see on Fox News that it has come up again. What's going on? I'm bumfuzzled.

-- Rosi Crucian,


Disclaimer: Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat's award-winning column of 👉 humorous fabrication 👈 appears every Saturday.

Stuttgart

Dear Rosi,

Bumfuzzled? You and me both. It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you, but not so much to point out that there's a new sheriff in town who is determined to put his own brand on a lot of things. Arkansas' northern state line is one of them.

I'm speaking, of course, of President Donald Trump's feisty new secretary of the Interior, Ryan Zinke, a no-nonsense former Montana congressman.

How feisty is this guy? The day after being sworn in as secretary, he rode a Park Service horse named Tonto several blocks to the entrance of the Department of Interior in Washington for his official welcoming ceremony.

More evidence? Zinke is a German surname and he and his wife Lolita (yes, Lolita) named their two sons Wolfgang and Konrad. How hardcore is that?

Since being tapped interior secretary, Zinke has boldly flown in the face of current Limbaughian/alt right convention and stated he does not believe climate change is a hoax.

That would have gotten Zinke roundly booed at the National Conservative Political Action Committee convention were it not for the fact that the guy is a former Navy SEAL.

One boos a former Navy SEAL at one's peril.

Trump has given Zinke marching orders to revisit every presidential Interior Department edict issued by not only Obama, but Clinton and both Bushes.

One might expect that Zinke has his hands full with his support of the Keystone Pipeline project and other pressing matters, but reconsidering President George W. Bush's 2003 decision not to move the Louisiana Purchase survey marker was the first item on his plate.

Readers will recall the firestorm that erupted in 2003 when it was discovered that Arkansas' northern border is 16.5 miles too far north. Thousands of Arkansans were preparing to become Missourians until Bush issued an executive order halting the reconfiguration of the state line.

Trump, however, supports the original corrective measure that was instituted when it was discovered the historic marker for the 1810 survey of the 1803 Louisiana Purchase was in the wrong place.

The impressive granite marker noting the starting place of surveyors Joseph Brown and Prospect Robbins is in a swampy area at the northwest intersection of the dihedral angle of the mouths of the St. Francis and Arkansas rivers.

Until last Monday, the marker was at the southwest corner of Lee County (GPS: 34.645531, -91.053257) where it intersects Phillips and Monroe counties. It was from the "Zero Point" that Brown and Robbins laid out the entire grid system responsible for all the boundaries in the purchase's 828,000 acres.

That includes the line between Arkansas and Missouri (excluding the Missouri boot heel, which is another story).

One problem -- the marker was in the wrong spot. The actual zero point, 16.5 miles to the south, was discovered in margin notes in Robbins' journal.

The real starting point is one mile east of the unincorporated Monroe County community of Crossroads. A hands-on secretary, Zinke and other interior officials arrived Monday to move the marker to the banks of Prairie Cypress Creek. Access is via a farm lane off Arkansas 1.

The bottom line is that by Trump's executive order, Zinke has started the process for the northernmost 16.5 miles of Arkansas to be transferred to Missouri. The official move, barring a court restraining order, takes place Aug. 9.

The strip of Arkansas moving to Missouri includes all of Clay County, most of Randolph County (including half of Pocahontas), the northern portion of Sharp County, and all of Fulton County.

Most of Baxter County goes to Missouri (including Mountain Home), half of Marion County, and all of Boone County north of Harrison. Most of Carroll County heads north, including Berryville and Eureka Springs.

The greatest impact will take place in Benton County. Almost all of Beaver Lake and all of Rogers, Bentonville and Bella Vista will join the Show Me State.

For those who still have questions about whether they are in the portion of Arkansas moving to Missouri, click the "Welcome Former Arkies" link on the Mo.gov site.

Until next time, Kalaka reminds you to read twice, email once. Begin with the paragraph below.

Disclaimer

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Z humorous fabrication X

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