A friend of mine who is normally pretty sane and stable (which doesn't explain our friendship, except that I lean heavily on the phrase "normally") called me up with a plan last week.
According to my friend, it would be a grand idea if he and I bought tickets to the Pittsburgh-Kansas City NFL playoff game set for a tentative noon kickoff that Sunday. The fleshed-out version of the plan was that we would drive up early Sunday, watch the game and drive back that afternoon-ish, bada-bing, bada-boom.
Seems my friend is a diehard Steelers fan and I'm a diehard fan of any form, fashion or flavor of football. So, as ideas go, this wasn't exactly a "here, hold my drink" moment.
I'd never seen a game in Arrowhead Stadium, home of the Kansas City Chiefs, so, mark one more thing off my as-yet-generated Bucket List. Even if the seats weren't great, I do have binoculars and they do have a massive Jumbotron (though I have reached the point where I often need binoculars to actually see the Jumbotron).
If Arrowhead follows the tradition of other NFL stadiums I've been in, they will, in fact, make available to you for purchase, a variety of frosty adult beverages. And while Kansas City may not be lately famous for success in NFL playoff games, it is quite famous for barbecue. Which would make the trip a few wins for me to one loss for them.
This sounded, to both of us, a perfect idea. At least until the threat of a perfect (ice) storm hit. Or at least threatened to. A quick check of various weather-related phone apps and television programs indicated there was a 70 percent chance of freezing rain in the Kansas City area on Sunday.
That particular forecast rained on both my parade and any chance we were driving to Kansas City for a football game that involved us sitting outside in a cold shower for three-plus hours.
Since my friend is an attorney, I leave it to him to make Stub Hub's case against The Weather Channel for restraint of trade. I made myself at home in front of the TV, appreciative of the fact that, with HD technology, watching the game from the comfort of my sofa is virtually like being there. Except for the "sitting in the freezing cold" part. And the fact that the seats will actually accommodate a normal human being's rear end.
As it turned out, the kickoff was moved to the evening, which made the whole deal problematic. I mean, it's going to take more than football, beer and smoked meat to get me to crawl back into Northwest Arkansas at roughly 3 am, then get up and go to work. Not a lot more. Just, more.
However, it did confirm something I've been afraid to admit for years. I've become a Fair Weather Fan.
Not only am I not interested in sitting outside in the rain to watch a football game, I'm not interested in walking in the rain to get to a basketball arena.
What's troubling is that my Fair-Weather Fandom flies in the face of my upbringing. My father was renowned for showing up two hours before every game and staying until the echo of the final gun.
I remember an Arkansas-SMU game played back when the Southwest Conference was still a thing and War Memorial Stadium was still a dive (OK, one of those things hasn't changed) that I'm pretty sure everyone, including the players, wanted to leave. Everyone, of course, except my father.
Now with all the things going on in the world this week, it's hard to believe my reluctance to go to a football game is a principle concern. After all, it probably makes sense for a grown man not to want to pay good money to sit out in weather that seems less like a leisure event and more like Week Three, Day Two of Navy SEAL training.
But I worry this is some sort of evolutionary trend that's going to result in my own children not wanting to attend events that aren't played in air-conditioned domes or on infields where game-time temperatures exceed those required to bake a cake.
And while a part of me salutes this as the sort of inherited common sense that proves they are their mother's offspring, I'm sorry I'll have to amend my oft-vocalized opinion of them.
From now on, I've got to say, "these kids are soft ... er." Followed by, "make some room on the sofa."
Commentary on 01/20/2017