Does any young adult really want advice from his or her parents before leaving home for college? Probably not.
I've found that our children feel that they are experts at nearly everything, and initiating a conversation where I impart advice lands with a thud. But if I could have that conversation, or at least tuck a letter into the first aid kit I'll pack for my daughter Celia's dorm room, I'd consider it one of my last acts of maternal love before she soars out of the nest (at least until she moves back into the basement in four years).
This list encompasses advice I either received, learned or wish I had gotten before I left home, and I hope it makes our daughter's journey richer. Maybe your child's as well.
Go to class. We hope you'll make friends and get involved with exciting things. But remember why you worked so hard to get here and make learning your biggest priority. Keep up with the reading, study every day, and you'll still have plenty of time to play.
Get to know your professors. Especially at a big school, it can be intimidating, but you'll get more out of school if you introduce yourself to your professors and go to office hours at least occasionally. Most professors -- at least the good ones -- genuinely enjoy getting to know students, especially the ones who put in some effort. Sit near the front of class and turn your cellphone off. When you find inspiring professors, see what else they teach and try to take more of their classes.
Be adventurous (mostly). College is a unique opportunity to do and go to unusual things, and many of them are free and within walking distance. Try things you wouldn't normally be interested in (plays, student movies). Whenever possible, say yes to new experiences.
Show up. Our friend and rabbi, Jonathan Roos, mentioned this one (no doubt channeling Woody Allen's famous line) and it is indeed one of the truest lessons I've learned. Whether it's a club meeting, study group, a friend's birthday, concert, game or her move into that third-floor walk-up, it's important to be there. It will deepen your relationships and experiences.
Eat at least five fruits and vegetables a day. No matter how busy you get, take care of your body and its needs. You'll be able to stay healthy, think more clearly and enjoy yourself more if you get some sleep, exercise, eat well and take some time to breathe, unplug and think your thoughts.
Immerse yourself in new places and cultures. You have the good fortune of having this exciting opportunity to live somewhere new and travel without the binds of a full-time job or much financial pressure. Once you settle in, get off campus and explore by bike, bus or foot. Taking a semester abroad or living in a culture different from your own for at least a summer broadens your perspective.
When you feel like judging, be curious instead. You're going to meet people with different beliefs and lives from yours, and they have had different life experiences. Be kind, be curious and give people the benefit of the doubt, at least the first time.
Trust your gut and stay true to your values. You have to live with the consequences of your actions, not the person who may be pressuring you to climb on the rickety roof or steal that sign.
Keep looking until you find a passion. College can give you the opportunity to explore new fields. You may be surprised to learn that you love ornithology or archaeology, or that you don't really like the subjects you thought you would. There will always be opportunities to change careers, but college is tailor-made to explore what stirs your heart and mind.
Start saving when you start earning. Whether automatically or deliberately, try to put away 10 percent of what you earn throughout life so you'll have more options when you need or want them. Someday you might want to take a trip around the world, buy your dream house or give a year of service, and having a fund to draw from will make following your heart easier.
Keep things in perspective. Suffering -- and treating -- life's wounds and setbacks (whether self-inflicted or not) is part of the journey. Problems that seem devastating or daunting usually are solvable and have a way of working themselves out with time, sometimes even one good night's sleep.
Wear sunscreen. Take a sweater. Call your mother (and your father).
Family on 08/23/2017