OPINION

MASTERSON ONLINE: Witty Will Rogers

In reflecting on exceptional wits of our time, I immediately picture Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) of Missouri and William “Will” Penn Adair Rogers from Oklahoma.

Twain died in 1910, yet his legacy endures, as does that of Rogers, who passed away in 1935.

I learned of Rogers’ fame from hearing his name as a young man. But I never looked deeper into the man (much less believed I’d experience a distant connection to his life) until the National Society of Newspaper Columnists went slumming in 2013 when his great-grandson handed me their Will Rogers Humanitarian Award for the body and nature of my work. To say I was honored (but even more flabbergasted) is understated. I later spent two hours in the rambling museum named for Rogers in his hometown of Claremore, Okla. It was a lengthy afternoon of soaking in so many of the remarkable insights and witticisms that made the man an authentic legend.

They began with perhaps his most-recognized quote—“I never met a man I didn’t like,” emblazoned in the rotunda—and were scattered in the rooms and hallways throughout. It’s amazing just how many of Rogers’ endearing and enduring statements remain pertinent all these decades later.

Here are a few worth enjoying that popped up on social media just last week. As you’ll see, the former newspaper columnist, cowboy social commentator and Western screen star had a penchant for taking pokes at government.

“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.”

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

“Last year we said, ‘things can’t go on like this,’ and they didn’t. They got worse.”

“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.”

“The short memories of American voters is what keeps politicians in office.”

“The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”

“Our Constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. senators.”

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

“There are men running governments who shouldn’t be allowed to play with matches.”

“Lord, the money we do spend on government. And it’s not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money 20 years ago.”

Where are the Will Rogers and Mark Twains in today’s American culture? To a large degree we’ve sadly lost our collective sense of humor along with the ability to laugh at our own shortcomings. And that, my friends, is a colossal loss indeed.

A closing observation of my own: A colluding government that feathers its nest with lies and mutually beneficial deceits naturally flies smoothest. Yeah, I know, it’s no Will Rogers. But it’s the best this ol’ Ozarks boy can deliver on the spur.

Life lessons

On a related note, the more I age and gain fuller understandings of the way our interactions actually work, the more I’m convinced many of us never learn the basic art of effective relationships. It’s certainly been a lifelong adventure for me.

Take, for instance, the “topper.” This is anyone who seldom lets the other person finish their story (or make their point) before abruptly cutting in with their own topper. I say topper because generally the person speaking is relating a story that more than likely has a conclusion. The topper comes when the listener who’s not listening at all is immediately forming his or her own related story to interrupt with one even more compelling, or outrageous.

Here’s an example of a topper in action:

Storyteller one: “I remember the time I was driving back to Fayetteville and a deer sprinted from out of the darkness directly toward the hood of my car. I didn’t really know what …”

The rude topper, interrupting: “Why that same thing happened to me last year, only a whole herd of them came from out of nowhere across the highway to … yada, yada.”

The way I see it, two things just happened. First, the originator of this story about deer felt a twinge of resentment, perhaps even a flash of anger that he wasn’t able to complete the story he’d started, while the topper gained a measure of satisfaction by upstaging the fella who never finished his story.

Another learning exercise lies in realizing we only get to keep what were willing to give away rather than continually take. We invariably influence others in positive ways not by emphasizing what we want by coercing them into our way of thinking, but instead by expressing genuine interest in their wants and needs. Others are far more inclined to become helpful to you when you give back accordingly in one form or another. And their response often is in direct correlation to the interest you’ve shown in their life. It’s why yin needs a yang in order to strike balance.

A final lesson: When good things happen to you, especially in competitive situations, human nature is such that those who care about you will be genuinely pleased. However, your competitors (with rare exceptions) most likely will quietly resent your success, believing it somehow diminishes them and they deserved the reward more than you do. So don’t let it go to your head, or expect the world to rejoice alongside you when just rewards come your way. Your satisfactions are always best served from knowing personally what it took to earn the outcome.

Mike Masterson is a longtime Arkansas journalist. Email him at [email protected].

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